#so the thing is that it's not about distraction it's that i often want to consume media with the same tone as my current emotions

[freezerbrldes]

no nut november - s.r.

PAIRING. Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY. Spencer is confident he can win a bet against Morgan… what he didn’t account for was having to share a room with you…

WARNINGS. smut, brief mention of male masturbation, unprotected sex, breeding kink if you squint

AUTHOR’S NOTE. It’s been awhile since I’ve actually written something and it’s also the first time I’ve ever written smut so hopefully this turned out okay. This is based on one of the bots I’ve made on character.ai/spicychat. I know it’s January but let’s pretend I posted this in November.

wc: 2.1k

credit to @cafekitsune for dividers

also on ao3

Spencer was beginning to regret agreeing to this bet. He thought it’d be easy, but after 3 and a half weeks, he felt so frustrated he could passed out from just the slightest touch.

Him and Morgan made a bet. Morgan was positive that Spencer wouldn’t be able to survive No Nut November. Spencer was not the competitive type, but he definitely wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to prove Morgan wrong.

Spencer is no stranger to getting himself off every so often. While he may be a genius with a high IQ, he is still a man with needs. He isn’t into hook up culture— he’s too much of a germaphobe for that. His right hand became his closest companion when alone after a stressful case.

The first week wasn’t bad at all. He began to think he might actually make it, but once the second and third week hit, that’s when thoughts about you were constantly on his mind…

Spencer has always found you attractive— like really attractive. So attractive that he often finds himself thinking about you while he pleasures himself late at night. He doesn’t want to think about you this way, but his mind always wanders to thoughts of you underneath him.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, you were sharing a hotel room with Spencer during the new case. He tries to distract himself with a book as you lay on your bed in an oversized tshirt and very short shorts.

You are reading over some case files, looking for any connections between the last two victims. Spencer could feel his pants get tighter at the mere thought of you just a few feet away from him.

You must’ve notice he has been particularly quiet today, because the sound of shuffling paper pulls his attention away from his book.

“Are you okay? you’ve been acting weird for the last week,” You ask, rolling over onto your side to look at him on the other bed.

“I-I’m fine, the cases have just been very, uh— draining — recently,” Spencer lies, shifting awkwardly on the bed to hide the evidence of his arousal.

“Right,” you chuckle, not buying his excuse. You walk over to his bed and sit across from him, the mattress dipping slightly under your weight. “C’mon Spence, what’s really bothering you?”

Spencer feels his heart rate increase. He fidgets with the hem of his sweater vest, avoiding direct eye contact.

"I...I'm just tired, okay? These cases take a toll on me," he says, trying to maintain a calm tone despite the growing tension between you.

His gaze drifts to your legs, which were crossed and showcased more of that smooth skin he'd been fantasizing about. He quickly looks away, focusing on the stack of psychology journals on his nightstand instead.

"Look,” Spencer sighs, “I appreciate you checking in, but I promise I’m fine. The sooner we crack this case, the sooner we can head back to Quantico."

Despite his words, Spencer found himself leaning slightly towards you, drawn in by your presence.

He feels his resolve weakening as your warm presence drew closer. Your scent fills his nostrils— a tantalizing mix of vanilla and something uniquely you. It stirs feelings within him he hadn't acknowledged before.

"I know you're just trying to help, but please, let me handle this," he pleads, his voice barely above a whisper. He couldn't meet your eyes, fearing the intensity he knew would be there.

A bead of sweat trickles down the side of his face as he recalls the countless nights spent pleasuring himself, always picturing your body in his mind, but now you’re inches away from him.

“Spencer,” you say, pulling his attention away from his wandering mind. “You’re one of my best friends, I can tell there is something else bothering you other than this case. Please— let me help you.”

Spencer's chest tightens at the word "friend". Despite the strong attraction he harbors for you, he had never allowed himself to hope for anything more. You deserve someone better, someone who could give you the love and affection you craved.

Spencer brain scrambles to come up with another excuse, as he gazes into your empathetic eyes, he finally caved.

"Okay, fine, There is something I've been struggling with," he admits, his voice barely audible. He takes a deep breath before speaking again.

"I made this stupid bet with Morgan, I’m supposed to go the entire month of November without having sex or masturbating. At first, it was easy but now, being in the same room as you, I’m having a hard time controlling my thoughts.”

Spencer closes his eyes, bracing himself for your reaction. He opens them again when he didn’t hear you laughing and making fun of him.

Relief washes over him as he saw an understanding expression rather than disgust. He swallows hard, his mouth suddenly dry.

"You're not mad?" he ask, his voice laced with vulnerability. In that moment, Spencer felt like he could finally exhale, like a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

“Of course not,” you reply, “why would I be mad?”

"Well, because even if I wasn't doing this bet, I still...I still think about you," he confesses, his cheeks flushing a deep shade of red.

"I know it's wrong, but I can't help how I feel. You're amazing. You’re smart, funny, beautiful..." Spencer’s words trailed off as he realizes where they were headed.

"I shouldn't say these things, but I can't keep pretending anymore." Spencer closes the space in between the two of you, his heart pounding in his chest.

After what felt like an eternity, His lips finally met yours in a passionate kiss.

Spencer felt a rush of emotions overwhelm him— excitement, nervousness, joy, and most of all, relief. This was what he had secretly longed for— dreamed about in the dark of night, and now it was finally happening.

His arms wrap around yours instinctively, pulling you closer as he deepens the kiss. His tongue dances with yours, exploring every inch of your mouth with a hunger he hadn't known he possessed.

When you finally broke apart for air, Spencer's breathing was ragged. He gazes into your eyes, seeing the same desire reflected back at him.

"You know, um, we should probably talk about this— about us," he adds, his voice barely above a whisper.

“How about we talk about it after?” you chuckle, your lips meeting his in another steamy kiss.

Spencer melts into the kiss, his body responding eagerly to your touch. He knew they needed to discuss the their growing feelings, but right now all he wanted was to lose himself in your touch.

Spencer's hands roams over your curves, mapping your body through your clothes. Breaking the kiss again, Spencer looked at you with a mix of adoration and longing.

"I want you,” he whispers, his voice husky with desire. "More than I've ever wanted anyone."

His lips trail from yours down your neck before reaching the hem of your tshirt, pulling it out of the way to plant kisses onto your collar bone. Spencer sucks on the sensitive skin before pulling the shirt over your head, carelessly tossing it onto the motel floor.

He kisses a path up your throat, pausing to nibble on your earlobe before pulling away just enough to admire the view. His gaze drank in the sight, the air thick with tension.

"You're stunning," he breathes, reaching out to trace the curve of your bare breast.

You moan softly as he gently caresses your body. Spencer dips his head to capture a nipple between his lips, sucking gently as his hand cups and kneads the other.

Spencer groans into your breast, the sound muffled by your soft flesh. He suckled harder, his thumb pinching and teasing the neglected nipple.

His other hand slides down your side before dipping lower to brush against the waistband of your shorts. He could feel heat emanating from your core, fueling his growing arousal.

He pushed the fabric of your panties aside to slip a finger along your slick folds as his mouth returned to your neck.

“You’re so wet already, is this all for me?” Spencer sighed, nibbling at your earlobe.

Before you could even respond, you moan loudly as he pushes a digit inside you, groaning at the tight clench of your walls.

"Fuck, you feel incredible," Spencer gasped, pumping his finger slowly in and out of you.

He adds a second finger, scissoring them gently to stretch you open, leaning back slightly to watch your face contort in pleasure.

Spencer watched intently as your body arches off the bed to meet his thrusting fingers. He curls them inside you, rubbing against that sweet spot that made your legs quiver.

He captures your mouth in a searing kiss, swallowing your moans as he picked up the pace, driving his fingers deeper.

His own arousal grew unbearable, it demands attention. With a growl, Spencer broke the kiss and hastily removed his clothes, throwing them in a pile with your discarded tshirt as you whimper at the loss of contact.

“I need to be inside you,” He pants as the last of his clothing is removed. He makes quick work of pulling your shorts and panties down your legs.

Spencer's hazel eyes are dark with lust as he positions himself between your thighs, the tip of his cock nudges against your entrance.

With a deep breath, he pushes forward, sinking inch by inch into your welcoming heat. A low groan rumbles in his chest at the feeling of your tight walls hugging his length.

Once fully sheathed, Spencer pauses, his forehead resting against yours as he savors the moment.

“God, you're perfect," he whispers, then begins to move, setting a slow, deliberate rhythm.

You moan loudly as he begins to pick up the pace, your nails leaving crescent moons on his shoulders.

“Please don’t stop, you feel so good inside me,” you beg.

Spencer's grip on your hips tightens as he pounds into you. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent as he loses himself in the feeling of you wrapped around him.

His fingers tug your hair lightly as he angles his thrusts to hit that spongy spot deep inside you over and over again.

"Shit, you feel so fucking amazing, so wet and tight," he pants, his voice strained with pleasure. “I'm going to cum so hard inside you."

One of your hands move from his shoulder down to where your bodies connect, rubbing hard circles over your throbbing clit.

Spencer's thrusts falter as he feels your fingers working on your sensitive nub. The sight pushes him even closer to the edge.

"Oh god, yes! You’re so fucking hot!" he cries out, his hips snapping against yours with renewed vigor.

He reaches down and replaces your hand with his own, rubbing harsh circles as he chases his high.

“Fuck yes, I'm gonna..." Spencer's words trail off into a guttural moan as his orgasm crashes over him, his cock pulsing and twitching inside you as he fills you up. The feeling pushes you over the edge with him.

Spencer collapses onto you, his weight pressing you into the mattress as he tries to catch his breath. His heart pounds wildly in his chest, still racing from the intensity of his orgasm.

After a moment, he lifts his head to look at you, his usually bright hazel eyes now heavy-lidded.

“That was...incredible," he murmurs, a soft smile playing on his lips, he places a gentle kiss on the tip of your nose.

He slowly pulls out of you and rolls onto his side, he reaches out to brush a strand of dampened hair from your forehead. You both lay in silence as your breathing returned to normal.

“Well,” you break the silence with a smug grin, “it would appear you have failed No Nut November,”

“Yeah, but it was worth it,” Spencer chuckles, his thumb rubbing circles onto your flushed cheek. “I’m starting to think you and Morgan set me up.”

“You really think I seduced you to help Morgan win a bet?” You laugh in disbelief.

“I mean, that would be a very Morgan thing for him to do,” Spencer says, his hand now caressing your arm, “That man always plays dirty.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I saw Morgan flirting with one of the motel staff, she left his room about two hours ago, so I’m sure you probably did beat him.”

“Of course he did, Morgan can’t go 5 minutes without sleeping with someone,” Spencer laughs as he pulls you into his arms.

You lay like that for a while before both of you drift off into a deep sleep, excited to see what the future holds for you two.

[elikajinnie]

Steal Your Way To My Heart - N.R (Part 4)

P: Bankrobber! Ni-ki X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Murder, Violence, Blood, Angst, Kidnapping, Seperation Anxiety?, Ni-ki just wanna spoil you.

Synopsis: Your life was boring—until a visit to the bank changes everything. Now you find yourself under the attention of one of the criminals. Now what do you do when the criminal's attention isn't just on the job but on you?

a/n: okay, so by popular vote, i delivered :) this was supposed to be posted long time ago, but moms turkish drama kept distracting me and had some relationship issues >:(

part 1 part 2 part 3

--

So you were officially Ni-ki’s girlfriend. And things were... surprisingly good. After that heist, he seemed to tone things down. Gone were the days of reckless, dangerous heists; now, he was the boyfriend you never expected—someone who picked you up from work or school, bought you your favorite flowers, and took you out on regular dates, always paying for the bill without a second thought.

He was thoughtful, attentive, but still had that intensity about him that kept you on your toes. But it wasn’t all just normal date nights and sweet moments. Ni-ki had an eye for luxury, and he wasted no time in decking you out in designer clothes and diamonds. Most of it you didn’t really use—you only wore the pieces that you truly loved—but you had to admit, his taste was impeccable. He knew exactly what suited you.

And like him, you found yourself matching with him often. He’d buy you clothes from the same brands he adored—mainly Chrome Hearts—and soon enough, you both became a walking, matching advertisement for the brand, with your outfits perfectly coordinated. Every time you looked in the mirror, you couldn’t help but appreciate how well everything fit. The diamonds glittered just as much as the smile Ni-ki gave you when he saw you in them.

But you always took a moment to remind him that you weren’t with him for the money. It wasn’t the luxury or the endless pampering that had won your heart, although you couldn’t deny you enjoyed it. No, you loved Ni-ki for who he was.

“Ni-ki,” you would say, catching his gaze as you adjusted the diamond necklace he had given you, “I don’t need all this.” You gestured to the designer clothes and the jewelry. “I love everything you get me, even if its something simple.”

He would smile, a genuine smile that reached his eyes, and pull you into a gentle embrace. “I know,” he’d reply, his voice soft and warm. “But I still want to spoil you.”

And he did. Ni-ki was everything you could have wanted in a man and more. He was protective, attentive, and incredibly loving in his own way. He listened when you talked about your day, made sure you had everything you needed, and never hesitated to show you just how much you meant to him. His love was sometimes overwhelming, but always real.

So you were quite surprised when, out of nowhere, Ni-ki disappeared. It wasn’t even gradual—it was like he just had been erased from existence overnight.

Your calls didn’t go through. Every message you sent was met with silence. The usual places where you’d expect to find him were void of any sign of him.

It was as though he had vanished off the face of the earth.

At first, you tried not to panic. Maybe he was laying low, being cautious because of something related to his “work.” It wasn’t uncommon for him to disappear for a day or two without much explanation. But this… this was different. Days stretched into weeks, and there was no trace of him.

The house plants he bought you started to wilt. The flowers he’d shower you with dried out in their vases. Even the expensive gifts that once felt like tokens of his love now felt like hollow remnants of someone who wasn’t there.

You told yourself to stop worrying, to trust that Ni-ki would show up like he always did. But there was this gnawing feeling in your chest that something was wrong. The man who never let a single detail slip, who checked in even during the middle of a heist, wouldn’t just leave without a word.

It wasn’t just his absence that hurt—it was the questions it left behind.

Had something gone wrong? Was he in danger? Did he leave to protect you? Or… had he chosen to leave you behind?

You couldn’t decide which thought was worse.

And so, you found yourself in limbo, walking through your days like a shadow of yourself. Every time you heard a car engine roar or the faint buzz of your phone, your heart jumped, hoping it was him. But it never was. It was like living in a constant state of waiting, with no end in sight.

Because no matter how dangerous or reckless Ni-ki was, he had never made you feel like this before—like you were completely and utterly alone.

You didn’t know what to do. Who could you even ask? Ni-ki didn’t exactly have a list of friends you could call up, and even if he did, would they tell you the truth? Would they even know?

You couldn’t go anywhere either, since over time, Ni-ki had subtly embedded himself into your life. His toothbrush sat next to yours in the bathroom, his favorite snacks were still in the kitchen cupboards, and his scent still lingered on the hoodie he’d left draped over the back of your couch. Everything around you was a reminder of him, of how present he used to be—and now, of how completely absent he was.

You felt helpless. All you could do was wait. Wait for a sign, for any kind of clue that Ni-ki was okay. That your boyfriend would return. That he hadn’t just dropped everything, ghosted you, and fled to another country or something, leaving you to pick up the pieces of a life you’d built together.

And it wasn’t just his disappearance in your life that hit—it was the absence of him everywhere else, too.

There were no robberies, no heists, no headlines about criminals pulling off impossible jobs. Nothing.

Ni-ki’s world, the one you’d been reluctantly dragged into, seemed to vanish along with him. It was like he’d flipped a switch and erased himself completely, leaving no trace that he or his crew had ever existed.

And that terrified you.

Because if there were no heists, no rumors, and no movement in the underground world he thrived in… then what had happened to him?

You tried to keep yourself busy to stop your mind from spiraling. You went to work, cleaned the apartment, and even started wearing some of the designer clothes he’d bought for you—just so you wouldn’t see them lying untouched and feel that pang of loss all over again. But no matter how much you distracted yourself, the questions never left.

Where was he? Why had he disappeared? And most importantly—was he even still alive?

Each night, you’d sit on the edge of the bed you used to share, staring at your phone, willing it to buzz with a message from him. Just one word, one sign that he was out there, that he hadn’t forgotten about you.

But it never came.

And the silence, day after day, was slowly eating away at you.

Where could he have possibly gone?

You wondered that every single day. The question circled endlessly in your mind, eating away at you, consuming you whole. It kept you awake at night, staring at the ceiling as you tried to piece together a puzzle you didn’t have all the pieces for.

Had something gone wrong? Maybe the cops had finally caught up to him. Or worse, maybe a rival crew had taken him out.

Or—your heart clenched painfully at the thought—what if he had left on purpose?

You hated yourself for even entertaining the idea, but you couldn’t help it. Had all the promises, the whispered words, the moments he’d held you close meant nothing? You couldn’t shake the memory of how he used to look at you, like you were the only thing that mattered in his world. It didn’t make sense for him to just walk away from that.

But then again, Ni-ki wasn’t exactly a predictable man.

You found yourself retracing your memories of him over and over, looking for signs you might have missed. Had he said something that hinted he might leave? Had there been a change in his behavior that you hadn’t noticed at the time?

But nothing came up.

You thought about the last night you’d spent together, how normal it had been. He’d kissed you goodnight, murmured something about taking care of “a few things,” and promised he’d see you the next day.

But that day never came.

And now you were left with a hollow ache in your chest and a million unanswered questions.

You tried searching for him. You went to places you knew he frequented, even places he’d warned you never to go. You lingered near shady alleys, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone who might recognize you, who might know where Ni-ki was.

But every lead you tried came up empty. And no matter how much you told yourself to stop, to move on, you couldn’t. Because deep down, no matter how angry or hurt you were, you still loved him. And the thought of never seeing him again? That was something you couldn’t accept.

So since you couldn’t accept it, you decided to live with it.

He would return—eventually. He had to.

You clung to that belief, repeating it to yourself like a mantra. Ni-ki always had a way of showing up when you least expected it. He wasn’t the kind of man who just disappeared forever, not without a reason.

But until then, you had to keep going. Life didn’t pause for your heartbreak, no matter how much it felt like it should.

You went back to work, dragging yourself through each day. You tried to focus on the mundane things. It was easier to keep your mind occupied than to let yourself fall into the black hole of wondering why.

The apartment felt emptier than ever, though. His things were still there, little reminders of him scattered everywhere. His clothes in the closet, his jacket still hung by the door, and the scent of his cologne lingered faintly on the sheets.

You told yourself not to touch any of it, like leaving it all the way it was would somehow bring him back faster.

But the days kept going, and the silence became unbearable.

At night, you found yourself sitting by the window, staring out at the city lights, hoping that maybe you’d see him walking up the street. Or hear the familiar sound of his key turning in the lock.

But it never happened.

Instead, the city moved on without him, and you were left standing still, caught in the limbo of waiting.

And then, just when you started to think you might have to let go of the hope that had been keeping you afloat, something changed.

You were just outside, taking the trash out. It was ordinary, mundane, and the last thing you expected was for your life to take a sharp, terrifying turn.

As you tied up the trash bag and made your way toward the dumpster, you felt a presence behind you. Before you could turn around, something cold and hard pressed against the back of your head—a gun.

"Don't scream," a low voice ordered, calm but menacing.

Your breath hitched, your heart racing as fear overtook your body. You barely had a chance to process the situation before rough hands grabbed you, shoving a bag over your head.

“Hey!” you yelled, but your voice was cut off as you were manhandled, your arms pinned to your sides. You thrashed as much as you could, but whoever had you was strong—too strong.

"Keep still," the voice snapped as you were dragged across the pavement.

The sound of a car door opening made your stomach drop.

You screamed again, the sound muffled by the bag over your head, but it didn’t matter. You were shoved into the car with enough force to knock the wind out of you.

The door slammed shut, and you felt the vehicle lurch forward as it sped off.

“Where are you taking me!?” you demanded.

No one answered.

You could hear a few voices around you, low murmurs you couldn’t make out, and the hum of the engine. Your mind raced. Who were these people? What did they want? And why did this feel so… targeted?

You thought of Ni-ki.

Was this connected to him? Had his criminal past caught up to him, and now you were caught in the crossfire?

The car continued to speed through the streets, the sound of the city growing distant. You struggled against your restraints, trying to think of a way out, but the hands that had grabbed you earlier kept you pinned down.

Eventually, the car slowed, and you felt it come to a stop.

The door opened, and you were pulled out, still blindfolded and disoriented.

“Walk,” the voice commanded, pushing you forward.

Your legs wobbled, but you forced yourself to move, your heart pounding as you tried to make sense of your surroundings. You were led into a building—at least, you assumed so by the sound of a door creaking open and the change in the air.

“Sit,” the voice ordered, and you were shoved into a chair, the force making it scrape against the floor as you landed with a jolt.

Before you could even catch your breath, rough hands grabbed your arms and began tying them down to the chair.

“Wait, what are you doing? Let me go!” you shouted, panic flaring in your chest as you struggled against the bindings.

They ignored you, the rope burning against your wrists as they secured it tightly. You twisted and thrashed, managing to elbow one of them in the ribs. The man stumbled back with a grunt, and you seized the moment to push yourself off the chair.

The ropes weren’t fully secure yet, and with an adrenaline-fueled burst of strength, you ripped free and yanked the bag off your head.

The sight before you made your blood run cold.

They weren’t Ni-ki’s people.

No, these were strangers, all wearing clown masks—grotesque, painted grins leering at you as they stood in a loose circle, armed with weapons.

Your breathing hitched as you stumbled back, trying to put as much distance between yourself and them as possible.

One of them stepped forward, clearly the leader, his mask more elaborate than the others with smeared red paint around the mouth and black streaks over the eyes. He held a knife in one hand, the blade catching the dim light.

He tilted his head, gesturing for you to come closer.

You froze, your mind racing. Did he really think you would just… walk to him voluntarily?

Disgust churned in your stomach at the audacity, and your body stiffened as the reality of your situation fully sank in.

“No,” you said, your voice trembling but defiant.

The man tilted his head further, almost amused, and took another step forward. The other masked figures began to shift, closing in around you like vultures circling prey.

Your pulse roared in your ears, but you clenched your fists, refusing to show fear.

“I said no,” you repeated, louder this time, your voice steady even as your legs threatened to give out beneath you.

The leader stopped, his head tilting back slightly as if to examine you. Then, without warning, he lunged.

Instinct took over, and you dodged to the side just in time, the blade narrowly missing you. Your shoulder hit the wall hard, but you didn’t stop moving. You darted for the door, desperate to escape, but two of the masked figures stepped in front of it, blocking your path.

A sharp laugh came from the leader as he straightened, pointing the knife at you.

"Feisty," he said, his voice muffled slightly by the mask. He tilted his head, almost as if studying you. Then, with a low chuckle, he added, “Now I see why Wolf likes you.”

You froze, your blood running cold at the mention of Ni-ki’s alias. Not many people knew of his real name—unless they were part of his trusted circle.

The leader noticed your reaction and laughed again, clearly pleased by your response. “Oh, that got your attention, didn’t it?” he mocked, twirling the knife between his fingers. “Yeah, I know all about your little boyfriend. Wolf this, Wolf that. Always so damn secretive, isn’t he?”

“What do you want?” you snapped, trying to keep your voice steady, though your heart was pounding in your chest.

He ignored your question, taking another step closer. “You wanna know where your precious Wolf went?” he asked, his tone teasing, dripping with condescension.

Your brows furrowed despite yourself, and you hated how you hesitated. Did he know? Did they have something to do with Ni-ki disappearing?

He noticed the flicker of curiosity in your eyes and smirked beneath the mask. “Ah, there it is,” he said. “You do want to know. But then again… should you? I mean, if he really cared about you, don’t you think he would’ve told you himself? Instead of just up and vanishing like that?”

“That’s not—” you began to argue, but he cut you off.

“No, no,” he said, wagging the knife at you like you were some misbehaving child. “Let’s be real here. Do you honestly think he told you everything? Do you really think you’re anything more than a little toy to him? Something pretty to keep around, just for fun?”

“That’s not true,” you said through gritted teeth, your nails digging into your palms as you tried to stay calm.

“Isn’t it?” he pressed, his tone taunting. “Think about it. You’re sitting here, clueless, while we know where he is. Why didn’t he trust you enough to tell you, huh? Maybe you’re not as important to him as you think.”

Your chest tightened, his words cutting deeper than you wanted to admit. You knew Ni-ki cared for you—you felt it in the way he looked at you, touched you, protected you. But the nagging doubt his words planted began to twist in your mind.

“Shut up,” you muttered, your voice trembling with barely contained anger.

“Oh, hit a nerve, did I?” the man said, his laughter echoing around the room. “Poor little thing, left in the dark by the guy who’s supposed to love you. Face it—he’s been playing you from the start.”

“I said shut up!” you shouted, your voice cracking as frustration and fear boiled over.

The man took another step toward you. “Aw, don’t get mad at me. I’m just telling you the truth. If Wolf really loved you, he wouldn’t have left you like this. He’s probably already moved on, you know. That’s what guys like him do—they don’t stick around. You’re just—”

Before he could finish, the sound of a loud crash came from outside the room, followed by shouts. The leader’s head snapped toward the door, his body tensing.

You felt a flicker of hope spark in your chest, though you had no idea what was happening.

The man turned back to you, narrowing his eyes behind the mask. “Stay put,” he ordered, pointing the knife at you, then pointed sharply at two of his men. “You two, stay here. Don’t let her move,” he barked, his voice sharp. Then, without another glance at you, he disappeared through the door, followed by the rest of the masked figures.

The room fell silent, save for the faint, muffled sound of shouting and movement outside. You froze, your breath shallow, as tension wrapped around you.

The two men left behind didn’t seem particularly thrilled about their assignment. One leaned against the wall, lazily spinning a pistol in his hand, while the other paced back and forth, gripping a shotgun tightly.

“What the hell’s going on out there?” the pacing man muttered under his breath, his steps growing quicker as his nerves got the better of him.

“Probably just a distraction,” the other said casually, though his tone didn’t match the unease in his body language. “Nothing to worry about.”

But then the sound of gunfire ripped through the air, loud and unmistakable. Both men snapped to attention, their heads whipping toward the door.

The pacing man cursed under his breath, his hands tightening around the shotgun. “That didn’t sound like nothing,” he hissed.

The other man straightened, his casual demeanor evaporating in an instant. “Stay sharp,” he muttered, raising his pistol and taking a defensive stance.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you watched them, trying to make sense of what was happening. Was it the police? Another rival group? Or—could it possibly be Ni-ki?

The thought made your stomach twist. You didn’t dare hope, but the timing was too coincidental to ignore.

Another round of gunfire erupted, this time closer. The shouts outside grew louder, more frantic, and you saw the pacing man glance at the door nervously.

“What if—” he started, but before he could finish, the door burst open with a deafening crash.

A masked figure stormed in, moving too quickly for you to process, and before the two men could react, shots rang out. The man with the shotgun dropped first, crumpling to the ground, followed by the other, who barely managed to fire a shot before falling.

You screamed, your body instinctively curling in on itself at the scene that unfolded in front of you.

The masked figure turned to you, their weapon still raised. But then, as if realizing who you were, they slowly, they lowered the gun and reached up to pull off their mask.

Your breath caught in your throat as familiar dark eyes met yours.

Ni-ki.

He was breathing hard, his face splattered with blood—none of it his, from what you could tell. His expression was sharp, focused, but the second he saw you, it softened.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice low and steady.

You could only nod, too overwhelmed to speak.

Ni-ki moved toward you quickly and grabbed your hand, pulling you with him.

“We need to go,” he said, his grip firm but gentle as he led you toward the door and out.

“What—how did you—” you stammered, your mind racing with questions, but Ni-ki cut you off.

“Not now,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I’ll explain everything later. Right now, we need to get out of here.”

You barely had time to nod before Ni-ki’s hand tightened around yours, his grip both protective and urgent. He moved with precision, his steps calculated, as though he had memorized every corner.

The hallway was dimly lit and reeked of sweat and blood. Bodies lay scattered along the floor, some moving in pain, others motionless. You stumbled over one of them, but Ni-ki was quick to steady you, pulling you closer to him as though shielding you from the reality of what you were walking through.

“Stay close to me,” he muttered, his voice low but firm.

The sound of gunfire echoed down the hall, making you flinch. Ni-ki cursed under his breath and pulled you into a side room, pressing you against the wall as he peeked out into the corridor.

You could hear muffled voices shouting orders in the distance, along with the unmistakable clang of boots against the floor.

“They’re regrouping,” Ni-ki muttered, more to himself than to you.

“Who are they?” you whispered, your voice shaking as you gestured vaguely toward the chaos outside. “And why—why did they take me?”

Ni-ki glanced back at you, his dark eyes intense. For a moment, he looked like he wanted to tell you everything, but instead, he shook his head.

“Later,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “Right now, we just need to get out of here alive.”

He leaned back out into the hallway, checking the coast again before grabbing your hand and pulling you back into motion.

The two of you moved quickly, Ni-ki guiding you through a maze of hallways and rooms. You didn’t know where you were going, but you trusted him. You had to.

Eventually, you came to a set of metal doors. Ni-ki pushed one open slightly, peeking out before motioning for you to follow.

The outside air hit you like a shock, cold and biting against your skin. You were in an alleyway, the narrow space lit only by a flickering streetlamp. A black car idled a few feet away, its engine running.

“Get in,” Ni-ki ordered, opening the passenger door for you.

You hesitated for a moment, your legs frozen as your mind tried to catch up with everything that had happened.

“Now,” Ni-ki snapped, his voice sharp but not unkind.

The urgency in his tone jolted you into action. You climbed into the car, and Ni-ki quickly shut the door before jogging around to the driver’s side. He slid in, slamming the door behind him, and immediately hit the gas.

The tires screeched as the car sped out of the alley, merging into the flow of late-night traffic.

For a while, neither of you spoke. You stared out the window, your heart still racing, as the city lights blurred past.

Finally, you broke the silence. “Ni-ki… what’s going on?”

He didn’t answer right away, his hands gripping the wheel tightly. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were focused on the road ahead.

“Those men,” he finally said, his voice low and controlled, “were enemies. Rivals. They’ve been trying to get to me for months, and when they couldn’t, they went after you instead.”

You felt a chill run down your spine. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you warn me this could happen?”

Ni-ki’s grip on the wheel tightened, his knuckles turning white. “I thought I had it under control. I didn’t want to drag you into this mess.”

“But they did drag me into it,” you said, your voice rising slightly. “And you disappeared, Ni-ki! I thought—” Your voice cracked, and you stopped, swallowing hard.

“I know,” he said, his voice softer now. He glanced at you briefly before turning his attention back to the road. “I had to disappear. They were closing in, and I needed to make sure they couldn’t find you. But I didn’t think they’d figure out where you were so fast.”

You stared at him, your emotions a whirlwind of anger, fear, and relief. “So what now? Are they going to keep coming after us?”

Ni-ki was silent for a moment before answering. “Not if I finish this.”

The weight of his words hung heavy in the air. You didn’t know exactly what “finishing this” entailed, but you knew it wasn’t going to be anything simple—or safe.

For now, though, you were too exhausted to push for answers. You leaned back in your seat, closing your eyes as you tried to process everything.

--

You were angry. Angry and hurt. But mostly angry.

The more you tried to push it down, the harder it fought to rise. You didn’t want to admit it, but that guys’ words had gotten to you. They’d planted a seed of doubt that wouldn’t stop growing, no matter how much you wanted to tear it out.

Because the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. Ni-ki had always been secretive, careful with his words, deflecting questions he didn’t want to answer. He’d always told you it was to keep you safe, to protect you from the world he was a part of—but was that all it was?

You hated the doubt clawing at you. It felt like a betrayal to even consider it, but how could you not? He hadn’t told you where he was going or what he was doing. He’d disappeared for a month without a word, leaving you to question everything. And now, after swooping in to save you, he dropped you off at this fancy, unfamiliar hotel like you were some burden and vanished again.

It had been three hours since he left. Three hours of silence, alone in this room, alone with your spiraling thoughts.

You paced the room, the plush carpet soft under your feet as you walked back and forth. The anger bubbled under the surface, growing hotter and heavier with each passing second. You felt like you were going to explode.

How could he do this to you? How could he keep so much from you—things that mattered, things that directly involved you?

You looked around the room, the expensive décor and luxurious furniture mocking you. The place was beautiful, no doubt, but it felt cold and empty. It wasn’t home. It wasn’t comforting. It was just another thing Ni-ki had decided for you without asking.

You tried calling him again, for what felt like the hundredth time, but it went straight to voicemail. No message. No update. Nothing.

The anger surged again, and you threw your phone onto the bed with a frustrated groan. You felt like you were going in circles, your mind chasing answers that weren’t there.

All you wanted was the truth. Was that so much to ask?

You sat down on the edge of the bed, your head in your hands. The doubt crept back in, the voices whispering in your head.

He doesn’t trust you. You’re just someone to keep him entertained. If he really cared, he wouldn’t leave you like this.

You hated that those thoughts felt so convincing.

Because deep down, you knew they weren’t entirely wrong. Ni-ki never told you the full truth about his life, and no matter how much you loved him, no matter how much he said he loved you, there was always a wall between you.

A lump formed in your throat, but you swallowed it down. You didn’t want to cry. You wanted to be mad. Mad was better than hurt. Mad was easier to deal with.

The sound of your phone buzzing snapped you out of your thoughts. You grabbed it quickly, hoping it was him, but it wasn’t. Just another notification you didn’t care about.

You sighed and leaned back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

You didn’t know how long you’d be stuck here, waiting for him, waiting for answers. All you knew was that this wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

If Ni-ki wanted you to trust him, he had to start trusting you too. Because if he didn’t… you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep doing this.

When he eventually did return, it was late at night. You had already gone to bed, the room dark and quiet, when the sound of the door unlocking and opening made you sit up abruptly. You fumbled for the light switch, turning on the bedside lamp, and your eyes widened as you saw Ni-ki standing there.

His clothes were smeared with blood, dark streaks painting his shirt and jacket. His face looked tired, a faint cut across his cheekbone, and his knuckles were raw and bruised.

He looked surprised to see you awake, his usual calm demeanor faltering for just a moment. “You’re awake,” he said, his voice soft but laced with exhaustion. He stepped further into the room, quickly scanning you from head to toe. “Are you okay? Did anything happen?”

You pushed his hands away when he reached for you. “Don’t,” you said sharply, your voice trembling with anger and worry.

His brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” you repeated, your voice rising as you threw the blankets off and stood from the bed. “Ni-ki, look at you! You’re covered in blood! You’ve been gone for hours, and you come back like this and expect me to just—what? Pretend everything’s fine?”

“It’s not my blood,” he said simply, as if that was supposed to make you feel better.

You froze, staring at him in disbelief. His words rendered you speechless for a moment, the weight of them sinking in.

“Not your blood?” you finally managed, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and fear. “That’s not the point, Ni-ki! You disappear without a word, leave me alone in some random hotel, and then show up like this? Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

“It was business,” he said flatly, his tone calm but guarded.

That made your anger boil over. “It’s always business with you!” you shouted, throwing your hands up in frustration. “Every time! It’s like you think I don’t deserve to know what’s going on. You vanish, come back covered in blood, and all you can say is business?”

Ni-ki ran a hand through his hair, wincing slightly as his bruised knuckles brushed against his scalp. “You don’t understand,” he said quietly.

“Then make me understand!” you snapped, your voice cracking under the weight of your emotions. “I’m tired of this, Ni-ki. Tired of wondering if you’re okay, tired of sitting here not knowing if you’re going to come back. It’s like you don’t trust me, like you don’t think I’m worth the truth!”

He stared at you, his expression unreadable. For a moment, it looked like he was going to say something, but then he just shook his head. “It’s not that simple.”

“It’s not that simple,” you repeated bitterly, crossing your arms over your chest. “Of course, it’s not. Nothing with you ever is.”

The room fell into a heavy silence, the tension between you palpable. You could see the exhaustion in his eyes, the way his shoulders sagged under the weight of whatever he’d been carrying. But that didn’t erase the fact that you were tired too—tired of being left in the dark, tired of feeling like you were fighting for a place in his life.

“I’m going to clean up,” he finally said, his voice low. He turned toward the bathroom, pausing in the doorway to glance back at you. “We’ll talk after.”

But you didn’t respond. You just turned away, sitting back on the bed with your back to him.

You heard the sound of running water a moment later, and you felt a lump rise in your throat. You wanted to believe him, to believe that he cared as much as he said he did, but how could you when he brushed you off like that?

When Ni-ki returned, his steps were lighter, freshly showered, dressed in clean clothes, and with damp hair dripping slightly onto the collar of his shirt. He looked at you, expecting to find you asleep, but instead, you sat upright in bed, the glow of your phone casting shadows over your face.

“You’re still awake?” he asked, his voice low with a mix of surprise and guilt.

You didn’t look up from your phone, your fingers idly scrolling. “Couldn’t sleep.”

His brows furrowed, but he said nothing more as he climbed into bed. The mattress dipped under his weight, and after a moment, he scooted closer, slipping an arm around your waist in an attempt to pull you against him.

You immediately shuffled away, putting space between the two of you.

He froze, his arm hovering in the empty space where you’d just been. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice soft but edged with worry.

You finally set your phone down and turned to face him, your expression heavy with emotion. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Ni-ki.”

His eyes widened slightly, the words hitting him like a punch to the gut. “What do you mean?”

You took a shaky breath, feeling the weight of your thoughts crashing down all at once. “You’ve been gone for a month, Ni-ki. A whole month. No calls, no messages, nothing. I didn’t know if you were alive, if you were ever coming back. And then, out of nowhere, you swoop in when I’m in trouble like it’s just another day, like none of it matters.”

“It does matter,” he said quickly, his voice firm as he sat up straighter.

“Does it?” you shot back, your tone sharp. “Because it doesn’t feel like it. You disappear without a word, you keep me in the dark about everything important, and then you show up expecting me to just go along with it, like none of this is supposed to bother me. Do you even…” You paused, your voice breaking slightly as the words caught in your throat. “Do you even love me?”

He stared at you, his lips parting slightly, but no words came out at first. Instead, he reached for you, pulling you into his arms despite your protests and attempts to squirm away.

“Let me go,” you muttered, your voice muffled against his chest.

“No,” he said softly, his arms tightening around you as he rested his chin on top of your head. “I’m not letting you go.”

“Ni-ki—”

“Listen to me,” he interrupted gently, his voice low but steady. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. You’re the only thing in my life that feels real, the only thing I come back to when everything else is chaos. You’re the reason I keep going.”

You shook your head, your hands weakly pressing against his chest as you tried to push him away. “You can’t just say that—”

“I love the way you fight me on everything,” he continued, his lips brushing against the top of your head. “I love the way you look at me like you can see right through me, like you see the parts of me no one else does. I love the way you don’t care about the money, or the things I do—you just care about me.”

“Stop,” you whispered, tears welling in your eyes.

“I love you,” he said again, his voice breaking slightly as he buried his face in your hair. “And I’m sorry for everything. For leaving you alone, for making you feel like you don’t matter. You do, okay? You matter more than anything.”

Despite yourself, despite the anger and hurt you still felt, his words broke through the walls you’d tried so hard to put up. The weight of your emotions came crashing down, and you finally gave in, collapsing against him as the tears spilled over.

Your hands gripped his shirt tightly, your body shaking with quiet sobs as he held you close, his arms strong and steady around you. “I hate you,” you mumbled weakly, though there was no real malice behind the words.

He chuckled softly, kissing the top of your head. “I know. I know, I would hate me too.”

You didn’t respond, too exhausted and overwhelmed to say anything more. And as he continued to hold you, whispering quiet reassurances and pressing soft kisses to your hair, you realized something.

You had missed him so much.

You woke up the next morning to the weight of Ni-ki draped over you, clinging to you like a koala. His arms were wrapped tightly around your waist, and his head was squished against your chest, his messy hair tickling your chin. You blinked groggily, taking in the sight of him, so peaceful in his sleep.

For a moment, you just stared, letting yourself savor the quiet moment. There was something in the way he held you, like you were the one thing in his life he couldn’t let go of.

Unable to resist, you slowly brought your hand up to his hair, carding your fingers through the soft strands. He responded immediately, leaning into your touch and groaning sleepily, his grip on you tightening as if to say, don’t stop.

You smiled faintly, your fingers continuing to glide through his hair. It was moments like these that made it so hard to stay mad at him, to even consider walking away. But the thoughts you’d had the night before still lingered in the back of your mind, refusing to let you rest.

After a while, you decided you needed to get up. Slowly and carefully, you began the long and arduous task of peeling Ni-ki off you. It was no easy feat—he grumbled in protest, his arms tightening around you whenever you tried to wiggle free. He buried his face further into your chest, muttering something incoherent, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes affectionately.

“Ni-ki,” you whispered softly, brushing his hair back. “Let go.”

He groaned but didn’t budge, his grip still firm. It took several more minutes of gently prying his arms away and untangling yourself from his hold, but eventually, you managed to slip out from under him.

As you stood, you glanced back at him. He had turned onto his side, still deep in sleep, his hair a mess and his lips slightly parted. He looked so carefree, so unlike the Ni-ki you usually saw—guarded, calculating, always one step ahead.

You sighed quietly and turned away, grabbing your clothes and getting dressed before quietly slipping out of the room. You needed some time to think, to process everything.

Your feelings for Ni-ki weren’t the issue. You loved him—of that, you were certain. But loving him wasn’t the same as being able to handle the life that came with him. The secrecy, the danger, the constant wondering if he was okay or if you’d ever see him again. It was exhausting, and it scared you more than you wanted to admit.

And so, you left the room, leaving Ni-ki behind in his slumber. You needed to figure out what you really wanted, what this relationship meant for you both.

The irony of it all wasn’t lost on you. Ni-ki had spent so long running, leaving you behind to think and worry in his absence. Now, it was your turn to take the space you needed—even if only for a little while.

And so, you took the space you needed. After everything, it was your turn to vanish—not completely, of course. You still had responsibilities to attend to, places to be, and tasks to complete. But for Ni-ki, you became a ghost.

You didn’t answer his calls. Each time your phone buzzed with his name on the screen, you ignored it, staring at the device until it fell silent. The texts he sent—long, short, questioning, apologetic—went unanswered. Even when he rang your doorbell, you couldn’t bring yourself to open it. You’d sit silently inside, barely breathing, until you heard the sound of him leaving.

At work, you made sure to disappear when he showed up, ducking into the breakroom or slipping out the back. At school, you avoided the places you thought he might look for you. When you did catch glimpses of him—standing at a distance, scanning the crowd, his expression filled with frustration and concern—you’d slip away before he could see you.

You told yourself it wasn’t forever. That this was what you needed, a chance to clear your head and sort through the storm of emotions swirling inside you. But each time you saw his name pop up on your phone or caught sight of him searching for you, a pang of guilt struck you deep.

Still, you couldn’t bear to face him right now. You couldn’t look into those eyes, so full of emotion, and risk falling apart all over again. You needed this time. Time to figure out if you could handle everything that came with loving someone like Ni-ki.

And so, you stayed hidden, even as part of you ached to open the door, to pick up the phone, to let him explain everything. Because, despite the distance you’d created, you couldn’t stop missing him.

Ni-ki wasn’t the kind of person to give up easily, though. And you knew, deep down, that this wouldn’t be the end. Not for him, not for you.

But what could you really do when someone like Ni-ki was your boyfriend? It was only a matter of time before he got to you again.

It happened when you least expected it—again. You were outside, tossing a bag of trash into the dumpster, then, like a shadow slipping out of nowhere, Ni-ki appeared behind you.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked.

You froze, your hand still gripping the edge of the dumpster. Slowly, you turned to face him. He looked the same as always, but his eyes were different. They weren’t filled with their usual confidence or amusement. Instead, they looked tired. Frustrated.

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” you muttered, though the words felt weak even to your own ears.

Ni-ki scoffed softly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Sure, you weren’t.”

You glanced around, as if looking for an escape route, but you knew there wasn’t one. Not from him. "What do you want, Ni-ki?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest defensively.

He took a step closer, and you instinctively took one back. "I want you to stop avoiding me," he said. His tone wasn’t angry, but there was an edge to it, a quiet insistence. "You’ve been ignoring me for days. Do you think I wouldn’t notice?"

"Maybe I wanted you to notice," you shot back, the words slipping out before you could stop them.

Ni-ki tilted his head, studying you with those dark, piercing eyes. "So, what? You wanted me to chase you?"

"I wanted space!" you snapped, your voice louder now. "I needed time to think, Ni-ki. About us. About this." You gestured vaguely between the two of you, your frustration bubbling to the surface. "You can’t just keep vanishing and showing up whenever you feel like it. That’s not fair to me."

For a moment, he didn’t say anything. The silence hung heavy between you, broken only by the distant sound of a car passing by. Then he stepped closer again, and this time, you didn’t move away.

“I know,” he said quietly, his voice softer now. “I messed up. I should’ve told you what was going on. I just... I didn’t know how.”

“You didn’t know how?” you repeated, your anger still simmering but mingled now with disbelief. “You didn’t know how to tell your girlfriend where you were going or why you disappeared for a month?”

“I thought I was protecting you,” he admitted, his eyes dropping to the ground for a moment before meeting yours again. “I thought... if I kept you out of it, you’d be safe.”

You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. “Safe? Do you know how scared I was when you disappeared? How much worse it made everything when those guys showed up and—” Your voice cracked, and you quickly stopped, swallowing hard.

Ni-ki’s jaw clenched, his hands tightening into fists at his sides. “I know. And I hate that you had to go through that. But I came back, didn’t I?”

"That’s not the point, Ni-ki," you said, your voice quieter now. “It’s not just about coming back. It’s about not leaving me in the dark in the first place.”

He took another step forward, close enough now that you could feel the warmth of him in the cold night air. “I’m trying,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t... I don’t know how to do this. The whole relationship thing. But I’m trying.”

You stared at him, your anger still lingering but softening slightly at the vulnerability in his voice.

“You’re not making it easy,” you muttered.

He smirked faintly, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “When have I ever made anything easy?”

Despite yourself, you almost smiled at that. But you weren’t ready to let him off the hook just yet. “This is serious, Ni-ki,” you said, your tone firm. “If you want this to work, you have to stop shutting me out. I can’t do this if you’re just going to disappear every time things get messy.”

He nodded slowly, his expression more serious now. “I know. And I promise, I’ll do better. Just... don’t give up on me. On us.”

You hesitated, studying him closely. He looked sincere, but you couldn’t help wondering if that would be enough. Still, as much as you wanted to stay mad, a part of you wanted to believe him. To give him another chance.

“I’m not promising anything,” you said finally, your voice softer now. “But... I’ll think about it.”

Ni-ki smiled faintly, and for the first time, it felt genuine. “That’s all I’m asking for.”

You took the time you needed, allowing the days to pass slowly as you sorted through your thoughts. It wasn’t easy, and there were moments when you doubted whether anything would change.

After a week of space, you decided it was time. You texted Ni-ki, asking him to come over to talk. You weren’t sure what the conversation would look like, but you knew you couldn’t keep pushing him away, and you couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t.

When the doorbell rang later that evening, your heart was pounding in your chest. You hadn’t seen him in days, and the anticipation was nerve-wracking. You took a deep breath before walking over and opening the door.

There he was, standing on your doorstep with that familiar hoodie, his hands shoved into his pockets, and his expression unreadable. But there was something different in the way he stood—more uncertain, almost... nervous.

You studied him for a moment, unsure of where to begin. But then, his eyes met yours, and he spoke first.

“You wanted to talk?” he asked quietly.

You nodded, stepping aside to let him in. “Yeah. We need to.”

The air between you felt thick with everything that had been left unsaid, but neither of you moved until you both sat down in the living room. Ni-ki took a seat across from you, his hands resting on his knees, his gaze focused on the floor for a moment before meeting your eyes again.

“I know I messed up,” he began, his voice low. “I hurt you. I made you feel like you couldn’t trust me, and I... I’m sorry for that. I never meant to make you feel abandoned or like you didn’t matter.”

You looked at him, your heart aching at the sincerity in his voice, but the sting of his absence still lingered. “I just don’t understand why you thought it was okay to just disappear. To leave me without any explanation. I’ve been asking myself that over and over,” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “I know you think you were protecting me, but... it felt like you were shutting me out. Like I wasn’t even part of your world.”

Ni-ki ran a hand through his hair, frustration evident in the way he sighed. “I get that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should’ve communicated with you, let you know what was going on. But I didn’t. I kept everything to myself because I thought I was doing the right thing... keeping you safe.”

You shook your head. “But that’s not how a relationship works, Ni-ki. You don’t just keep secrets. You don’t disappear without saying anything. And you can’t keep making decisions without me.”

“I know,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I messed up, and I’m not proud of it. But I’m here now. I’m here because I want to fix this. I want to make things right with you. I know I’ve hurt you, and I can’t take that back, but I’ll do anything to prove that I care. That I’m not just using you.”

His words hit you hard, and for a moment, you looked down at your hands, unsure of what to say. You didn’t want to keep holding on to the anger and the hurt, but it was hard to shake off the feeling of betrayal.

“I don’t know, Ni-ki,” you said quietly. “I’m not sure if I can just forget what happened. It’s not just about you disappearing—it’s everything that came with it. The way you treated me like I was some kind of afterthought.”

Ni-ki moved closer to you, his hand gently reaching out for yours. “I understand. And I don’t expect you to forget. But I need you to know that I want to be here. I want to make things right. I love you. And I’ll prove it every day.”

You hesitated, still holding on to the doubts and the pain. But his hand in yours felt like a lifeline, and for the first time in a long while, you allowed yourself to believe that maybe things could be different. Maybe he could change.

“I don’t know if it will be easy,” you said softly, “but I’ll try. I’ll try if you promise me that you’ll be honest with me. That you won’t keep things from me anymore.”

Ni-ki nodded, his grip tightening on your hand. “I promise. No more secrets.”

--

It felt surreal, the way things shifted after Ni-ki made that promise. He wasn’t just physically present—he was emotionally there too, in ways you hadn’t expected. The first thing you’d see when you woke up was him, his face relaxed in sleep, a hint of a smile at the corners of his lips as if he were content just being there with you. And the last thing you saw before sleep was him, his warm arms around you, ensuring that you were safe and cared for.

You noticed how he didn’t leave your side much. Whether it was at home, walking you to work, or even just sitting on the couch together, he made sure to be near you, always close enough to reassure you that he was there for good. There were no more of those long, unexplained absences. No more shadows lurking over the relationship. He was there. He was committed.

One evening, as you were sitting together on the couch, your curiosity got the better of you. It had been weeks since you’d noticed any signs of the heists he’d been involved in—no more late-night disappearances, no more mysterious meetings. You decided to ask him outright.

“Ni-ki... I’ve been meaning to ask,” you said, your voice tentative, “What happened to all those heists? All that... the stuff you used to do?”

He tensed slightly, his eyes flicking to yours before he took a slow breath. “I quit,” he said simply, the words carrying weight that took you by surprise.

“Wait, what?” You blinked, unsure if you’d heard him correctly. “You quit? Like, for real?”

Ni-ki nodded, a serious look in his eyes. “Yeah. I realized it wasn’t the life I wanted anymore. I don’t want to be that person who hides behind masks and lies. I don’t want to drag you into that world. I’ve done enough to screw things up already.”

You felt a rush of emotions—surprise, confusion, and a strange sense of relief. He had quit? For you?

“You... you quit for me?” You whispered, almost unable to believe it.

He nodded again, reaching out to take your hand in his. “For both of us. I’m serious about us, about you. I don’t want to lose you. So I’m going to get a real job, a legitimate one. I want a future with you, and that’s not going to happen if I’m still out there, risking everything.”

The sincerity in his voice was undeniable, and as you looked into his eyes, you saw the truth in every word. Ni-ki had always been unpredictable, but in this moment, he seemed more grounded, more determined than you had ever seen him.

You took a deep breath, the weight of it all sinking in. “I... I don’t know what to say,” you admitted softly.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Ni-ki said, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand. “I just wanted you to know. I want to build something real with you. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

Ni-ki had been reckless and wild in the past, but now, here he was—showing up for you in ways that were more meaningful than any flashy gesture or promise could convey.

“Okay,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “Okay. I believe you.”

And that was all you needed to hear from him.

You leaned into him, letting yourself relax into the warmth of his embrace, feeling the weight lift off your shoulders.

You were both living in the moment, together.

a/n: this is the last chapter of this fic :) hope you all enjoyed it and stayed for the journey <3

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Perm taglist: @ilyunjina @nshmrarki @laylasbunbunny

@wensurr @immelissaaa @simj4k3 @vegahrid @03sunoos

@hollxe1 @moonpri @cherriesfine @badtzsan @anushkaaaiaiiaiaia

@heeseungbabydoll @wondash @renjiishot @demigodmahash

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@enhamonsterghoul @mrsjjongstby @lunaritex @kiripimaspillow

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@jakeluvrrs @antoinettenotfound @firstclassjaylee @xnatqq

Bold ones are untaggable | Wanna be in the perm taglist? Lmk <3

[tea-for-patchouli]

Oh sure, I love this sort of stuff

Last song: Blue Archive, Where All Miracles Begin

It's cute - I haven't played in a while now, but the BA soundtrack has a lot of fun music that for me hits the point between too ambient and too distracting for certain states.

Last book: (Nonfiction) Against Method by Paul Feyerabend, (Fiction) Lovecraft's At The Mountains of Madness

Lovecraft is great, thoroughly enjoying that. I think his character writing and ability to embody a voice is, if not underrated, then at least commendable.

Feyerabend is interesting - If we just stick to Against Method, I think I see where he's coming from, and I thoroughly agree that often times it's possible to get stuck in this idea that there's a process to get from A to B (in this case, from a lack of scientific understanding to a presence of it) is often hindered by the need to make it cohere with what we believe the process which worked in the past was.

Last movie: Inside (2023)

I liked this one, somewhat. I'm tempted to write more about it, but I'll just say that I think it was going for two separate things, and those two things ended up at odds with each other in the end result.

Last show: I rewatched Tengoku Daimakyou when showing it to a friend, but the last new show was R.O.D -READ OR DIE-

Tengoku Daimakyou is one of my favorite shows of all time, and it really feels like it understands something about a particular sense of the world and of being. R.O.D. was fine, it was an enjoyable action series and I liked watching it. It also harkens back to a time when cloning was a focal point of public curiosity.

Favourite color: Blue, but also Cyan

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy : Sweet, generally.

I like baked goods a lot, especially, and have a penchant for café style foods.

Relationship Status: In romantic terms, single

Last thing I googled: "helix editor formatter"

I wanted to set it up for C, but ended up turning off the formatter when it seemed like expressing my own particular preferences was going to be a hassle, especially since it's code which is not (yet) intended to be distributed or shared or anything like that.

Current Obsession: Hmm... Well, the usual; but I've also been reading a lot of Merry/Renko fic.

I liked codependency doesn't fit you, dear by Crooked_Crow, which is one about Renko getting sick, as well as And The Train She Rode In On by comfybutter.

Looking forward to: Finishing my projects, feeling like myself again. Besides that, though, perhaps the proliferation of RISC-V devices? Actually a whole ton of stuff which could itself easily double the length of this post (so, maybe another post, or a series).

Sorry for all the yapping. And I suppose I'll tag @mothykleo @europa6502 @da-riya (but if y'all don't do these sorts of things then nbd)

Ten people I'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @marshmallow--shark Thanks for the tag!

Last song: Intro/Chamber The Cartridge by Rise Against

Favourite colour: Orange!

Last book: A Brief History of Intelligence by Max Bennett

Last movie: That Christmas (it was kinda weird and we didn't finish it)

Last show: Jentry Chau vs. the Underworld

Sweet/spicy/savoury: I don't have much of a sweet tooth anymore, but I used to. Savoury!

Relationship status: Happily single

Last thing I googled: "quality" synonym

Current obsession: Star Trek: Enterprise. This is my fallback obsession. Close behind is Jentry Chau as a very recent one.

Looking forward to: Seeing a concert and a musical next year!

Tagging: @ionamalachite @peculiarreality @thetachapel02 @deadheaddaisy @papercranesong @talshiargirlfriend @glitter-and-metal @dragons-in-spaceee @pearlypairings @strze-lec

[kathlare]

serious intentions

Lando Norris x Alejandra Lagüera Menéndez

Summary: Alejandra and her family join the Pilão family for a vibrant summer lunch in São Paulo. Amid the festivities, Pietra shares some playful interactions with Lando Norris, who shows a surprising interest in Alejandra.

Wordcount: 0.9 k

Warnings: just fluff

January 2nd, 2025 - São Paulo

pietra.pilao has posted on her story

--------------

The sun was high over São Paulo, casting a golden glow on the lush garden where the Pilão family hosted their annual summer lunch. The expansive patio was adorned with colorful flowers and tables set with vibrant linens and elegant dishes. The laughter of two families mingled in the warm air, the sound of plates clinking and glasses being raised filling the scene with life.

Alejandra sat between her mother, Gabriela, and Pietra, enjoying the lively conversation around her. The scent of churrasco wafted through the air, mingling with the fresh citrus of the caipirinhas being passed around. Milton Pilão, always the charming host, was at the head of the table, regaling everyone with a story about his latest business venture, while Tati nodded along, her charisma as a famous TV host making her the perfect counterpart to her husband.

Across the table, Max Fewtrell, Pietra’s British boyfriend, fit right into the dynamic. His easygoing demeanor and quick wit made everyone laugh, even Ale’s father, Antonio, who was notoriously hard to impress. Diego, Ale’s younger brother, sat wide-eyed, hanging onto Max’s every word as he told stories about his time racing in Europe.

Ale leaned toward Pietra, nudging her playfully. “I still can’t believe you managed to get Max here during the holidays,” she teased. “You must have some serious powers of persuasion.”

Pietra smirked, brushing her perfectly styled hair over her shoulder. “Oh, please. Max will do anything for me,” she replied with mock arrogance, shooting him a playful glance.

“Anything except speak Portuguese fluently,” Max chimed in with a grin, eliciting laughter from the table.

As everyone continued chatting, Pietra’s phone buzzed on the table beside her plate. She glanced at the screen, and her expression immediately changed to one of amusement. “landonorris has replied to your story,” the notification read.

Ale noticed the slight lift of Pietra’s brow and whispered, “What’s that look for?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Pietra replied quickly, but Ale could see the corners of her lips twitching as she suppressed a laugh. She opened the message and saw Lando’s reply to the selfie she had posted with Ale earlier that day.

landonorris: Who the fuck is that one?

Pietra couldn’t help but giggle at the message, her fingers hovering over the phone as she considered how to respond. She quickly typed back.

pietra.pilao: That’s Ale. She’s one of my best friends.

Pietra sent the message and leaned back in her chair, stifling a laugh as she looked at the screen. Ale, ever the curious one, raised an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing!” Pietra tried to hide her amusement, but it was clear she was struggling to maintain her composure. “Just some random thing Lando said,” she added, not wanting to explain further.

Ale didn’t press her. She had heard of Lando Norris before—who hadn't? The British Formula 1 driver who had a reputation for being cheeky and fast on the track. Max and Pietra often talked about him, but Ale had never really cared much to dig deeper into his world. She had enough on her plate with school and her own projects.

Pietra quickly typed back to Lando, but before Ale could ask her about it, the waiter brought out another round of caipirinhas, distracting the table for a moment. The chatter shifted to talk of vacations and future plans as the food continued to flow.

Meanwhile, Pietra’s phone buzzed again, signaling a new message. She glanced at the screen, and this time, her smile couldn’t be contained. She subtly swiped the message open, careful not to let the others see.

landonorris: Seriously, though, she’s pretty. You should introduce me to her.

Pietra rolled her eyes with a grin, knowing exactly where this was headed. She typed quickly, feeling a mischievous streak coming on.

pietra.pilao: Oh, you’re seriously asking to meet her now?

She pressed send, leaning back in her chair as she kept an eye on Max, who was deep in conversation with Ale's father. She knew Max and Lando were close friends, but this sudden surge of interest from Lando was unexpected. Sure, he was known for his flirty nature, but Pietra had never seen him so eager to meet someone. She couldn’t help but find it amusing.

landonorris: Yes, please. I’ll do anything to get an introduction. She’s gorgeous.

Pietra chuckled to herself, imagining Lando's usual playful tone as she read the message. She quickly responded, not able to resist teasing him.

pietra.pilao: You’re going to have to work for it. I don’t just introduce anyone to Ale. She’s not the type to do hook-ups. You’d have to prove you’re serious.

As she typed, her fingers hesitated slightly, knowing that Lando’s “seriousness” had always been a bit of a running joke. He was never one to commit to anyone long-term, preferring casual flings. Pietra wondered, though, if he really was interested in Ale, or if this was just another one of his infamous flirtations.

landonorris: I’m serious. I’ll prove it to you. Just let me meet her.

Pietra raised an eyebrow at the message. She didn’t doubt that Lando would be persistent, but she had her doubts about how far his “seriousness” would actually go. Still, she couldn’t help but smile at the idea of playing matchmaker for her two friends.

Pietra quickly typed back, laughing to herself.

pietra.pilao: You’ll have to impress her first, Lando. It’s not that easy. She’s not interested in anyone who isn’t all in.

She glanced up at Ale, who was deep in conversation with her mother. There was no way Ale would ever fall for a guy like Lando Norris, right? She wasn’t the type for fleeting crushes or games. Pietra sighed, wondering if Lando would take her seriously or just play around as he usually did.

Before Pietra could send the message, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Max leaned over, his voice low but curious. “What’s so funny? You’re acting all secretive over there.”

Pietra quickly locked her phone and gave Max an innocent smile. “Oh, just Lando being Lando. He’s asking to meet Ale.”

Max’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Lando? Really? You think he’s serious?”

Pietra shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s finally ready to settle down—or maybe it’s just another one of his flirtations.”

Max looked skeptical, but his eyes softened as he caught a glimpse of Ale laughing across the table. “Well, if he’s serious, I guess I’ll have to have a word with him.” He leaned back, a hint of a smirk on his face. “But if he’s not serious... I’ll let him know to back off.”

Pietra chuckled, shaking her head. “We’ll see. But don’t say anything to Ale. She doesn’t know about any of this.”

Max gave her a knowing smile. “No worries. I won’t say a word.” He gave her a wink, then turned his attention back to the conversation at hand.

Pietra quickly returned to her phone, watching as Lando sent yet another message.

landonorris: Alright, alright. I’ll prove I’m serious. Just wait.

Pietra chuckled and locked her phone. She glanced over at Max, who was still chatting with Ale's father, and then looked back at Ale. There was no way Ale would fall for Lando’s usual antics. Ale was strong, independent, and had no time for someone who wasn’t fully committed. She didn’t want a fling. If Lando was going to get her attention, he would have to show he was more than just another pretty face.

[meanbossart]

Here's a few dreams & daydreams people have shared with me, I didn't want to publish them at first because, often, I get things in my inbox that seem more like fun thoughts folks wanna tell me about and not necessarily share, but at this point It has amounted to a collection that deserves an exhibit of its own, I think LOL

(RIP to the one I remember getting where anon was stuck in a car with DU drow in the driver seat. I Can't find that one for the life of me. Though I guess that one belongs in a straight up night-terror compilation instead of this one)

Can I just say, for all of his flaws, DU drow would be so good at being the friend who waits in the doctor's office while you get your tunnels checked.

I think the best part about this one (besides the obvious) Is that at first, I assumed the Greenwood quote was itself a fabrication of your dream. Like, that the whole full face covering and detailed erogenous zones were a part of what made the dream so strange, and not just straight up canonical information... WELL, now I know better!

Anyways, hang on, I gotta doodle something.

This one is so cool and so perfectly in-character for all involved, honestly. I love how despite the potentially-near-death scenario they both just start ragging on each other as soon as things clear, with Astarion going into whinge-mode and DU drow literally doing the "sniff my finger routine" 😩 It's very like them, to want to distract each other from a frightening scenario instead of letting it sit. This one is probably just something that happened at some point.

Thank you all for sharing! I'll be doing a proper ask compilation later today, I apologize that those have been scant. Between all my drawing ideas and everyone's messages I tend to get overwhelmed quickly, but as always I want to make it clear how much I appreciate all of the interest and support in my art and characters!

And feel free to send in more like these as well! I might end up making "fun scenarios that people send me about the boys" its own tag or something.

[grandline-fics]

Hi, I‘m new to all of this and not entirely sure about whom all you write, but may I ask for the „reunion kiss“ with X Drake and whoever else you want?

DESCRIPTION: Prompt: Reunion Kiss

WARNINGS: none

CHARACTERS: X Drake, Benn Beckman

WORDS: 1,332

A/N: Thank you for the request! This is my first time writing for X Drake and Benn Beckman so I hope this is to everyone's writing. I decided to add Benn to this prompt since he's been someone a lot of people have mentioned in the past of wanting to see.

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

DIRECTORY | PROMPT LIST

———————

X DRAKE

It wasn't often that Drake could venture to familiar waters for anything outside of maintaining his pirate facade while also conducting his actual missions as SWORD’s Captain. Between the double life filled with his life being threatened on both sides, rival pirates and motivated Marines, chasing his bounty Drake sometimes felt like he was never at peace and was constantly waiting for the next attack to come. There was one place he could truly breathe easy, and as the island slowly came into view Drake could already feel some of the tension in his body release. It wouldn’t be long now. 

He was strict in his duties and had no hesitations in the life he led, knowing that he was doing the right thing in the long run. Drake wouldn’t lie, it was hard at times by being so far away from you and for so long. He called you when he could and only when he knew no-one was listening but he refused to call you as often as he would have liked. Even with the assurances that the channel was secure he still couldn’t justify it. He didn’t want to risk it, not when all it would take would be one slip up. No, to keep you as safe as possible he had to be strong and only called you in emergencies or once every few weeks in-between getting to see you in person. 

From leaving the ship to walking through the quiet, sleeping village as the sun was slowly beginning to rise behind him Drake’s steps were purposeful and only increased the more your home came into view. A small smile tugged at his lips and he pulled out his own copy of of the key and unlocked the front door, taking a step inside. Drake’s plan had been to be quiet so he didn’t wake you but he froze in place when the door shut behind him and the cold edge of steel was laid against his throat in a clear warning to make no further movements. “You made a mistake coming here pirate…”

“Hello to you too.” Drake greeted smoothly, following the length of the blade until his gaze settled on your face. A small but warm smile began to grow when he took in your playful stare and soft smile. Had you really wanted to attack he wouldn't have made it within a foot of your house. To have let him enter first before surprising him meant you knew for certain he’d be arriving. Lightly he raised his hand to casually push the sword away from his neck so he could turn towards you. “So who blabbed that I was coming?”

“Who do you think?” You asked, lowering your sword to return it to his sheath and let it settle against the wall. Drake could only slowly shake his head in amusement, knowing it was without a doubt Koby that gave you some sort of heads up he’d be coming home. Now no longer distracted by your less than conventional greeting it finally dawned on him that he was home and you were so close but no close enough for his liking. Reaching out Drake’s arms encircled you and pulled you close. Wasting no more time, Drake pressed his lips against yours relishing in the soft and slow response that came instantly. 

Your arms wrapped around the back of Drake’s neck and you deepened the kiss, both of you using this moment to pour out your love for the other in a way that words wouldn’t be able fully convey. You pulled back and lightly cupped Drake’s face, unable to stop the smile now permanently on your face. Until he had to go again you were both going to savour every moment until you had to say goodbye again. 

BECKMAN

If Beckman was excited to be docking at the familiar island in Shanks’ territory, he wasn’t outwardly showing it. Shanks only watched his second-in-command with a knowing smirk as Beck sat at the table on the deck of the Red Force, completely relaxed and doing routine maintenance on his rifle. As always the first mate just went with the flow of Shanks’ whims and decisions whether they were completely planned out or just thought of in a spur of the moment strike of inspiration. His current decision though he would have at least thought Benn would have made some sort of comment about or cast a glance at the waters to check how far away they were. Shanks smirked and sat back in his own seat, knowing he couldn't be laidback or cool, calm, and collected forever. 

“So who’s staying on board tonight?” Hongo asked casually as the island drew closer. The ship’s doctor cast a suspicious glance at Benn who still remained relaxed, leaning by the railing and smoking idly. Everyone on board was all but itching to tease the first mate but he infuriatingly wasn’t giving them anything to go on yet. Benn however failed to see why they were acting like this, every single time they did this and every single time he didn’t change. He shifted his stance and held back his smirk when everyone on board sharpened their gaze on him, only to deflate when he simply blew out a small stream of smoke. Finally Shanks spoke up, knowing no one on board wanted to miss the fun. “We’ll be fine. So let’s all enjoy tonight, yeah?”

The welcome to the island town was as loud and warm as expected being one of Shanks’ oldest islands under his protection. Benn smiled politely to the civilians calling out greetings and walked with Shanks to the crew’s favourite bar in need of a place to unwind and recuperate from the long journey. Benn felt Shanks clap his shoulder, his excitement palpable and he glanced to see the red haired man grinning at him. “Looking forward to it?”

“Looking forward to getting a drink.” Benn answered, his lips twitching in an amused smile when Shanks scowled at him.

“We had drinks on the ship. If that’s all you wanted then you could have stayed there or not bothered stopping on the island in the first place.”

“Well we can go back if you want Captain, you’re in charge.”

“What? No way!” Shanks dismissed dramatically. “Honestly, you’re so ungrateful. Anyone else would be racing to the bar if they knew someone like that was going to be there.”

The doors to the bar swung open and the patrons shouted out a chorus of greetings and cheers at the arrival of the Red Haired Pirates, their drinks raised in the air in a toast to their protectors. Benn’s eyes went straight to the bar and a lazy smirk appeared when you came into view. There you were sitting on a barstool, arm lazily draped behind you to rest on the bar and a drink in hand while meeting his stare evenly. You bit back the urge to laugh as Shanks managed to get to you first, his arm falling over your shoulder as he leant in to kiss your cheek in greeting just to mess with Beckman. 

Swiftly you intercepted his playful advance by letting his lips connect with your mug of beer that he took with no further prompting. At the same time Benn’s arms were on you, pulling you from Shanks’ touch and into his own. One arm wrapped around your waist and the other supported your back as he twisted you into a slight dip. Grinning you accepted his kiss with equal eager intensity, both of you ignoring the whooping and whistles of his crew. Breaking apart you playfully smiled while Benn rolled his eyes at the crew’s antics. “You love them really.”

“No, I tolerate them.” Benn corrected lightly, pressing another kiss against your cheek as he straightened you but kept you securely in his arms. “But I love you a whole lot more to endure their teasing.”

——————————————-

TAG LIST (If I’ve missed anyone or if you want to be added just let me know) @3v37773, @tsaaps , @i-am-all-love-puns-and-lazy , @sanemisnonexistenteyebrow , @fiery-captain-spider-santa, @kabloswrld , @atanukileaf , @ane5e , @stuckinthewrongworld , @deathsmajestysworld , @cloudysunset04 , @chillerkiller , @extremely-ashtridic , @decayingpizza , @liesatemyocean , @ace-for-ace , @nerium-lil , @destynelseclipsa , @dreamcastgirl99 , @my-name-is-heartache , @iamn1ya ,  @yunho-leeknow , @hinata7346 , @h0oouwlss , @missrandomdreamer , @sleepykittycx , @ddawn111 , @jaygrl22 , @sylum , @acehyacinth , @resident-cryptid , @treelogirl , @maellem , @its-a-dam-blue-brick , @thulhu , @appalost

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

TW fandom loves to speculate and theorize about mer and beastmen anatomy like how much they borrow from their animal ancestors. How about Miss Raven? What raven traits does she still have?

[Might be referencing this post?]

wiulwoyefapa THIS IS A TOPIC I THINK ABOUT A LOT, ACTUALLY. I think it's really fun to theorize what animalistic traits our non-human characters might have :DD

Here's just some of the raven stuff that stuck around with our Miss Raven:

(Please note: I do talk about bird and human anatomy in this post! Nothing explicit, but figured I'd warn in case this is an uncomfortable area.)

I think Miss Raven's general personality matches that of a raven; they're intelligent yet playful. She's less communicative and sociable than a raven, but I think she makes up for that in her writing.

Birds cannot taste capsaicin, which is the irritant that often registers as "spiciness" to humans. (It's an evolutionary adaptation that helps birds spread the seeds of chili peppers they eat.) Miss Raven has a high spice tolerance because of this, unlike her uncle (who is sensitive to spice).

Likes shiny things; her eye is easily caught by them regardless of value, size, color, etc. (That's her bird brain talking www) She can't wear much jewelry because she might get distracted by it. Instead she keeps jewelry in a little box and stares at it for fun, amusing herself with the sparkle.

This has been mentioned a few times, but Raven sleeps in a manner that's strange for a human. Instead of lying down, she'll form a "nest" of blankets and pillows and sleeps curled up in it.

Miss Raven is a little clumsy on her feet because the weight in her human body is distributed slightly differently than in her bird body.

She equates clothes to a bird's feathers, and being naked like having all your feathers plucked. (Man, have you SEEN a bird without its feathers? Most pathetic looking dry ass babies ever, I tell you.) Miss Raven tends to cover up her skin because, in her mind, she doesn't want to be seen as a crusty ol' naked bird.

Tends to wear skirts instead of pants because pants feel restrictive to her. She's used to having her legs out and feeling the breeze down there.

Miss Raven mostly wears black because she feels like she's kind of obligated to, as that is the original color of her feathers. More recently though, she has come to terms with the freedom her human form grants her and has been more experimental with her fashion.

Likes cuddling and when people play with her hair. This is because actual ravens cuddle with their entire bodies and preen their partners.

Ravens can eat almost anything, even garbage and carrion. Miss Raven has a strong stomach and an adventurous palate because of this.

She's smaller than the average raven, but she has the same protective instincts of one. If she's upset or trying to come off as intimidating, she'll puff up (her feathers stand up) and get verbally snippy (an actual raven would try to nip you).

Doesn't like people touching her things or being in her space. This is because ravens can be territorial!

Bird mouths are actually dry because their salivary glands are in the back of their mouths. This wouldn't work for a human and the kinds of food they eat, so when Raven first gained a humanoid form, it was weird for her to have a wet mouth and teeth 😂 Words felt so strange to speak too.

Initially nervous around predator animal beastmen and actual predator animals, particularly cats. This includes Lucius, Grim, Chenya, the Octatrio, the Savanaclaw trio, Fellow, Gidel, etc. It's Miss Raven's natural instincts letting her know she has to prioritize her own safety! She usually gets over it once she gets to know the other person a little better.

Distrustful of scarecrows since they're the things put out in fields to keep crows and ravens from eating their crops. Also has weird distrust of farmers because of this.

In terms of mating, ravens are monogamous and devoted to their partners, never straying too far from each other. They often go for romantic flights together and even give each other special treats. Miss Raven has that idea of an idealized romance in her head.

When content, ravens make a soft warbling noise (similar to how a cat might purr). Miss Raven does too, but she does her best to actively repress this sound, since she feels it is embarrassing.

Mid-February to late May is an odd time of year for her, as that's mating season for ravens. That's when she's at her most sentimental/emotionally squishy... She doesn't like being in public because it's so easy to make her cry (and those terrible NRC students would definitely do that) 😔

In early summer/late fall, ravens tend to molt and replace their feathers. Now that she has a humanoid form, Raven doesn't have to worry too much about that but sometimes still scratches excessively at phantom itches that come with molting.

Really impressed by skilled flying! This is because male ravens fly to impress females and to find mates. Raven always stares in wonder during Flight class. (Unfortunately, she's not that good at flying in her new form...)

While Raven's bite isn't as strong as Sebek's, she does bite. Birds typically have three kinds of biting: biting to open nuts and berries, biting to defend themselves (which can draw blood), and love bites (which mostly occur in domesticated birds). asbiliafeafia I like to think she gives little affectionate noms...

Insecure about the size of her "breast muscle" (not realizing that humans mostly have fat there). This is because the size of a bird's breast muscle is directly related to their flying ability... and flying's pretty important for her kind. Genuinely believes that the most skilled fliers at NRC must have a certain kind of physique to be as skilled as they are. (Envious of those buff boys/j)

Being a raven, she experiences culture shock when put against the habits and behaviors of others with animal ancestry. For example, aggressive behaviors that are affectionate to a dog or a cat are seen as intimidating threats to her.

Has cute domestic fantasies! That’s because a lot of birds will build nests together and share the responsibilities of parenting. She thinks it would be nice to build a life together with someone like that.

It's not weird for her to eat eggs! Wild ravens do it :>

THERE'S A REALLY SPECIFIC BIRD BRAND OF FLIRTING THAT SOUNDS WEIRD TO HUMANS. Birds in nature are protective of their eggs and typically only entrust their partner to look after them while they do something else, like hunt for food. Because of this, Raven is really flustered by someone asking for eggs in any context. For example, maybe they're eating eggs in the cafeteria and a peer asks her to "pass the eggs".

[writingwisterias]

hope this isnt off limits but how would eras leon react to their partner being into ddlg?

Hi!

I have no problem doing this for you! I hope you like it 💕 I'm churning these out as fast as I can lmao...I'm dead from work but almost to my holiday 🥺

Warnings: NSFW, Ddlg, Fluff, MDNI

AFAB!Reader

RE2:

I actually think he would settle into this role easily, like it sort of makes a routine in his life

He would be embarrassed at first just with the idea and worried if anyone saw but eventually he would settle pretty quickly

I think he would lean more towards getting you the thing you would want like teddies

Less likely to punish you even if you break the rules he's given you because he caves easily

In terms of the use of daddy I think he would freak out a bit at first, never letting you see it because it would almost feel like you are aging him and the world is already doing that so he might be a bit reluctant

He's never thought he would be into something like this but he ends up actually liking it and it fit really well with the both of you

RE4R:

He would love the idea of being able to take care of you and provide for you in a safe place

I think he would also enjoy coming home and seeing what you have done whenever it's colouring or just being cosy on the couch

He would also shower you in love and affection very quickly. All the money he earns goes to bills, food and you.

I think he's more of a quiet observer, so he just enjoys being in the living room watching a film as you sit next to the coffee table drawing etc

He prefers watching your favorite films and shows. He will say they are bad but secretly he loves them

Huge on praise Kink, all you have to do is bat your eyes at him and he's dragging you to the bedroom with a raging hard on

At first the use of Daddy would shock him and take a while to get used to but then he would fall into the role naturally and actually refer to himself as Daddy

Infinite Darkness:

LOVES IT

Like he's all in straight away no need for further questions

He loves spoiling you but becomes firm if you break his rules

Has raging hard on's all the time with your innocence.

Often Feels guilty about it but you always seem up to pleasing him so eventually he doesn't get guilty anymore

Doesn't let you in his office because you always end up distracting him but somehow you always end up in there

When you do enter let's just say you will be shooed out with the promise of a red ass if you don't do it quickly

He will tease you as you cuddle and watch films or TV shows. Playing with your clit under the fluffy blanket you insisted on laying over the top of the both of you

Enjoys your whines of protest and how they eventually turns into begs for daddy's touch

Damnation:

Definitely becomes more strict in terms of you following the rules he puts in place but always makes it up when he does have to punish you

Your little doe eyes always help you get your way with him

Lazy at sex, prefers if you are so needy and do most of the work. Until you get all whiny and upset that you can't cum he'll step in then

He's away a lot more, but always at random times so he'll make sure to have meals prepared for you and labeled in the fridge. Trusting that you use them and don't forget

He will call you if he's away but if he can't he'll always make sure to send you a text

RE6:

Neither of you actually have a conversation about exploring this dynamic between the two of you it just happens naturally

It works though and Leon enjoys it as it gives him something else to focus on

Especially so after the events of the game, he pretty much lives through the events of raccoon City again and doesn't even seem phased

Until he gets back

You notice the change in his attitude and see his sad eyes. Deciding in your little brain to try and help him out

He finds it cute how you bring him your favourite teddy and cosy up to him, allowing him to thread his fingers through your hair

You'll try your best to not be needy but that only upsets him further because that's his favorite part

Your constant need for his attention

Vendetta:

Since he's not in the right frame of mind I don't think he would be as interested in the idea

He can barely take care of himself

I think the dynamic would only work during sex

It would come out to play before, during and after sex but beyond that it would have to be hidden if he's having a bad day

Sometimes when he's drunk he'll play into it a bit more, he's looser and forgotten whatever was bothering him

He would be gentle still during these times, probably loosely refers to himself as Daddy just for your sake

Feels bad that it's been washed away and he's not doing a good job at providing for you in this manner

Still spoils you rotten though

Death Island:

Doesn't like the idea of having children he's too old for that now

But you? He loves taking care of you

He wouldn't even let you work, he's got more than enough savings to last you living this life style comfortably

Prefers it if you didn't spend his money lavishly but then you are just his cheeky little girl so who's he kidding

Sex is great because you are just so willing for it

He doesn't have to worry about erectile dysfunction for a while that's for sure

Accidentally refers to himself as Daddy in public if you are meeting friends one too many times

It's just become a natural habit now, he doesn't mind though. You seem to get more embarrassed than he does

[palmerzy]

wait it’s funny you say that bc i’ve been in need for some fluff too!! i wrote a spencer fluff post on my side blog a couple months ago abt how he’d act and comfort you on bad days and i just need some fluffiness bc my period is acting up again :(

a little tmi but i’ve been bleeding for 3-4 months straight and the pain never goes away, so i’d like to imagine spencer being so prepared and so sweet when it’s time for your period, because he’d understand when you’re moody, get your pads and your heating pad and your comfort blanket, agh

love love love! spencer is soooo attentive for sure. also, anon, that sounds AWFUL and i hope it clears up at some point 😭

spencer would just be the sweetest when you’re on your period. he’s definitely memorised your cycle, purely because he wants to be prepared and make sure he has everything at his apartment for you.

he 100% has a drawer in his bathroom full of sanity products just for you, and they’re there month-round for whenever you may need them. he remembers what foods you like, the genre of movie you prefer during your period, even what smells throw you off, and he’s sure to only put out candles he knows you don’t mind.

the first time you’d forgotten your favourite blanket and a hot water bottle when at his place, spencer made the journey back to your apartment to collect them - and he was sure to buy exact replicas to keep at his home in case of another emergency like that.

nothing to do with your body could disgust him, and he’s very familiar with blood given his line of duty, so any laundry he has to do when you’re there isn’t a bother to him at all. he allows you your free time, letting you bathe in his bathroom for hours at a time, and he’s also happy to sit with you whenever you want it.

usually when you’re lying in bed, he’ll put your heat pad over your tummy, and then lay his head atop it, hoping to give you some comfort with his presence. it’s definitely soothing, getting to run your hands through his long hair whilst the pressure of his body soothes your cramps.

he alternates between talking a lot to keep your mind distracted and saying nothing at all, letting gentle touches convey his care and concern for you. when he’s talking, it’s mostly just him reading to you, or rambling about something he knows you enjoy, because he’s aware that the sound of his voice is soothing enough to you.

he’ll watch movies with you that he usually wouldn’t enjoy, or read a cheesy romance novel so the two of you can giggle together. when he’s reading to you, you’re both laying on your sides, pressed together with your face nuzzled in his neck as he peers over you to recite the words. his free hand gently caresses your waist and your back, thumb rubbing soothing circles until you’re falling asleep in his arms, pain forgotten.

if spencer’s on a case, he’s checking in with you pretty often, calling during any free time. he calls you a lot normally, so it’s doubled when he’s concerned over how you’re doing. usually just short conversations, but it’s comforting nonetheless. “hey, baby, just wanted to let you know i’m thinking about you,” “have you drunk enough water? if you’re dehydrated, your cramps will hurt more, take care of yourself,” and “i’m buying you takeout, it’ll be there in 30 minutes,” even when he’s on the other side of the country.

when you get snappy with him, he remains entirely patient. he doesn’t really try to mediate you, because he knows it’s probably best to just let you get it all out - and you’ll apologise anyways. you’re never actually mean to him, just irritable over simple things. by now, he’s learned what ticks you off, and he ensures his place is free of any annoyance whenever you’re due on.

no matter what, though, he’s there. one way or another, on the phone or in person, he wants to check in on you, especially during that week.

oh lord i definitely need to brush up on my fluff writing skills HAHA

[reignpage]

hiii i was wondering— how do you think the edenau men (and or reader if you feel like adding that ?) would react if someone tried to hit on their partner at a party or something like that 🫣

gojo:

touchy slides right in between her and the guy makes convo with the guy, like oh how was the game? yeah you were pretty cool the guy gets distracted with talking to THE gojo and forgets all about reader crisis averted

reader:

does the 'are you serious?' face rolls her eyes and all she has to do is walk away for gojo to chase after her not an issue at all

geto:

stands behind reader all imposing smiling that creepy, fake ass smile until they feel unnerved and leave doesn't say a thing to reader

reader:

she's kinda used to it because they get a lot of clients who hit on Suguru and he's charming, it's his thing it kinda bothers her but never too much since he always finds a way to politely get out of it and return to her side

choso:

pouts in the corner waits impatiently for her to stop talking to the guy if guy gets touchy, he'll go over and stare at the guy with his bored look until the guy gets nervous and feels awkward and leaves then he smiles at reader like nothing ever happened

reader:

not really the jealous type she knows how obsessed choso is with her so she just minds her own business and lets him get hit on unless of course they're being aggressive and he's really uncomfortable then she skips over to him, gives him a big wet kiss and says, cho! I'm horny, let's go fuck in your car works all the time

toji:

goes in there all macho he'll intimidate the guy, "oh hey, if it isn't *insert guy name*, you feeling alright? you had quite the embarrassing moment the other night, didn't ya? missed the fucking shot and slipped on your ass. man, if I were you, I'd just kill myself instead of hitting on someone else's girl" guy gets embarrassed and leaves, you don't want to piss off the campus big shot

reader:

it's a big issue with these two since she's pretty invisible and he's really popular, it happens all the time especially because people don't think they're serious or something she goes up to toji's side, introduces herself and often gets ignored toji gets aggressive with the girl hitting on him, wrapping his arm around her and says, 'don't be rude, yeah? my girl says hi, so say hi back'

nanami:

trusts reader she gets hit on all the time and she does the thing where she starts gushing about her BOYFRIEND, her BOYFRIEND is so amazing, her BOYFRIEND is so sweet etc but if the guy is pushy and she's very clearly feeling awkward then he steps up, puts a hand on her back and excuses them that usually works unless the guy gets aggressive, in which case he's not afraid to use his secret nerd muscles to deflect and get him on his ass

reader:

lays it on thick hugs him, presses her tits right up makes nanami flustered with the things she whispers in his ear until it becomes abundantly clear that nanami only cares about his gf if the huge boner he has is anything to go by becomes very awkward for the third person and they excuse themselves, not that these two notice

sukuna:

no one dares lol even if they don't know she's with him, all it takes is one sharp glare and they get the hint

reader:

sukuna sometimes, if they got into an argument and they're playing their games again, might encourage a little flirting but all she has to do is give him a look and then he's rolling his eyes and telling the girl to fuck off

[elytra404]

okay okay so yk magical mystery cure? heres my idea of a rewrite.

i think there are better cutie mark swaps for them, so here we go. Also new story.

Rainbow Dash - Apple Jacks Cutie Mark

Cutie Mark Redesign - 3 Zap Apples

Fastest harvester around. But has to slow down so the basket holders can keep up. Loves Zap apple season for the adrenaline, but the traditions and tasks make it boring to her with us endlessly frustrating. adores harvesting and watching them tho. She isn't allowed around cider season after stealing some of it and being distracted by her love for it. She's good at it. But having to slow down for the farm work makes her feel useless.

Rainbow tends to put her hair into high ponytails for harvesting season. She wears a yoke around the farm most of the time.

Fluttershy - Raritys Cutie Mark

Cutie Mark Redesign - 3 pink rounded gems

She is a wonderful designer but running it as a business takes away from her freedom and time to do it as more than a job. She has to be social and model to support her business, which is terrifying for her.

Fluttershy tends to keep her mane and tail up in a braided bun to keep it out her way. She's considered cutting it shorter but doesn't want to limit her modeling options. She wears pastel green horseshoes after one to many times stepping on needles. They cover her hoofs, the bottoms being gold and the rest being designed like leaves wrapped around her hooves. Her wings are very thin as she rarely uses them for actual flight.

Pinkie Pie - Fluttershys Cutie Mark

Cutie Mark Redesign - Balloon animal butterflys

Pinkie does enjoy taking care of the animals. Shes very good at organizing them, and finding the perfect owners for those who want to be pets! However she struggles with volume control quite often, and that tends to scare the smaller animals away. She's not the best at being gentle, preferring to rough house with bears. She's doing her best but every time she scares a creature she feels horrible about it.

Pinkie's hair never got its curls. She wears it in box braids, letting it grow quite long. She tends to wear a reinforced jean jacket Flutters made her to protect herself from the larger animals claws.

Apple Jack - Pinkie Pies Cutie Mark

Cutie Mark Redesign - Lasso and Apple themed Balloons

She's a rodeo gal! Lasso a bull and stay on it for record times, tricks and jumps. She loves it. Mostly. She has to move around a lot for rodeos, and rarely gets to stay in one place for long. She hasn't been able to help her family in a harvest in years because it tends to line up with rodeo season.

AJ keeps her hair at around a bob so it stays out the way for rodeo work. She wears her dad's hat in her free time but doesn't during actual rodeo work to keep it safe. She started dying streaks of red and green into her hair as a kid to be more recognizable to judges and continues to too this day.

Rarity - Rainbow Dashs Cutie Mark

Cutie Mark Redesign - Rainbow waterfall

Rarity designs the weather for events! Making sure the sun shines brightest on the stage, and beautiful rainbows for filly's birthdays. She knows how to make it practical as well as beautiful. One of her favorite things is designing snowflakes. However, weather designing isn't a hobby. It affects everyone in the vicinity not just her. So in her free time, Rarity feels a bit lost. She mostly goes to the spa, but that doesn't really change her feelings of uselessness.

With her free time Rarity has let her hair grow out, curling it into ringlets. She also tends to wear a shawl that Flutters made her, a lavender knitted one that is pretty light weight and clasps in the front with an opal.

Twilight

Twilight looks and acts the same, with one different. She has gained silvery marks on each side of her back, where wings would be if she had them. When she first comes too, her hair is tied back like Moondancers. She undoes that almost immediately tho.

What happened/What happens

The spell Twi accidentally cast not only swapped her friend's destinies, but in the process undid the rainboom.

Because of this, Rainbow ended up crashing when she attempted it into sweet apple acres. In her attempts to fly away she runs into a few trees, harvesting them and earning her cutie mark. Granny smith ends up taking her in in return for her work.

Due to this, AJ never seens the rainbow leading her home. She stays with her aunt, joining in a junior rodeo contest for fun a few weeks later and gaining her cutie mark. She visits ponyville every chance she gets.

Pinkie never sees the rainbow on her farm. She continues to farm until one day birds form a nest on Holders Boulder, and she ends up bringing the birds down and relocating them, gaining her cutie mark. Eventually she finds her cutie mark has no real place on her farm, so she moves to ponyville.

Fluttershy stays up in cloudsdale until she is tasked with helping to sew weather factory uniforms as her first job since she cant fly very well. This gains her cutie mark. She eventually moves to Ponyville to continue her special talent without the need for flight.

Rarity grows up in ponyville and is a late bloomer until she is given the chance to work on making extra snow flakes when not enough are made one winter. This is how she gains her cutie mark. She stays in Ponyville, leading winter wrap up every year in Ponyville after.

All of them end up being friends, but not very close. AJ see's Rainbow as a distanced sister or cousin, Flutter's makes AJ rodeo clothes and anything Pinkie needs for her animals, and Rarity met both AJ and Flutters separately for events. Once they were all in town and ended up running into each other. Since then they meet up when they can, which is rare.

Twilight never hatches Spike, but still gets into Celestia's school. (Going on the idea that the dragon egg was a test of handling failure.) She gets her cutie mark just the same. Without Spike she is even less social in school, and doesn't end up as Celestia's prize pupil. She stays in Canterlot, eventually moving out of her parent's place to stay closer to the castle, where Shining Armor works.

The day after she casts the spell, Twilight wakes up in this work with all her memories of the past one. I imagine this would be an entire season of the show. When it gets tough, she thinks of Spike and keeps going for him. She spends about an episode with each person getting close to them again. Including some filler to get to know this new world and dynamic. Including a probably 2 part finale type thing, she gathers them all, shows them they can be happy, and reverses the spell. the issue isn't that their bad at their talents, its that they aren't happy.

However not in a show like format, my perfect au (aka my focus), its slightly different. Same beats over a longer span of time. It takes Twi longer to figure out that there is a big issue with her friends. She's caught up in grief over Spike for most of it. She is basically Spike's mum, a teen mum at that. She has to learn to function without him, both emotionally and literally. And she has to learn to change her motivation for fixing everything. Her original motivation is just for spike. But as she gets to know her friends again she learns she has to do it for their happiness as well.

All of this would happen over about a year.

By the end, she has

- Pinkie who fully believes her and has become her confidante and right hoof mare,

- AppleJack who has suspicions that Twi's hiding something but assumes its grief over a lost child (not entirely untrue) and nothing else,

- Flutters who considers Twi the first person to truly believe in her,

- Rainbow who has gained a change of pace with Twi and is loving it,

-Rarity who also fully believes Twi and is the only other than Pinkie who knows everything and has found a purpose in this.

It takes all of them to preform the spell, friendship is magic after all, to return the world to its right place. Twilight has to make herself an Alicorn during this spell to have the power to complete it.

Also to clear up some other plot holes-

Luna does come back, but Celestia isnt relying on Twi this time and so is able to send her back to the moon again. Luna is still in the moon and Celestia is still alone.

Discord isn't set free because the Cutie Mark Crusaders never form, since Rarity doesn't settle in ponyville as her main residence, Sweetie Belle doesn't go to schools with Scoot and Apple Bloom. They end up meeting only after Twi realizes how unhappy they are apart and sets them up to meet.

Chrysalis never attacks because Cadence and Shining Armor never fall in-love. Twi never moves to Ponyville so Shining Armor is focused on making sure Twi's okay, not love. Twi sets them up too.

I'm gonna post stuff about this au at #magicalmysteryyearau sooo follow that if you wanna see more

[radioactiverats]

Thoughts: TFP Ratchet walking in on you using a dildo based on his spike

I want him emotionally and physically but right now, physically is winning. That is all

18+ 🌶️

There are two things that are simultaneously true when it comes to sex with Ratchet.

1) It is mind-blowing.

2) It is rare.

It’s not just past experience that makes him so good in bed. As an older mech, he’s not only accumulated experience but also the patience to draw out your pleasure. Even if you belong to different species, Ratchet’s keen optics sensitise him to every minuscule detail of your pleasure, making him a quick study. It sends a rush of pleasure through you to think about the fact that he’s not just a quick learner when it comes to any human body, but yours specifically.

Also, alien dick is huge. Optimus dwarfs near everybody, but him aside, Ratchet is not a small mech - broad and stocky, holding his own among the other Autobots - and naturally, when it came to you, he might as well have been a giant. The first time he revealed his spike to you, you’d stared at it for so long that he started to get nervous. He’d glanced off to the side and sullenly mumbled something about not being enough, and your confused-horny brain finally pulled itself together long enough to realise he’d made an attempt to study the intricacies of “human interfacing rituals” and drawn the entirely wrong conclusions (AKA humans chose mates based solely on their prowess like animals - and had misinterpreted your open-mouthed silence as dissatisfaction). After frantically convincing him that no, there was nothing wrong with it, and no, Ratchet, it’s adequate! I meant it’s more than enough! Way more than enough, in fact!, it finally clicked in his processor that it was quite the opposite. Ratchet’s entire demeanour changed after that - even now, he only needs to smirk lazily at you to remind you of the time he’d made you come so many times on his glossa you swear you met Primus himself (and shook his hand and thanked him for creating the absolute sex-god that was one Ratchet of Vaporex).

However, Ratchet was always busy. For good reason, too - you were reluctant to bother him when he was working on important things and unfortunately for you, that tended to be more often than not. The past few months had been especially hectic for the Autobots. Decepticon activity had been detected near an Autobot energon source, and the bots had been working round the clock to defend their supplies. With the pressure to secure fuel more acute than ever, Ratchet’s efforts to research a synthetic energon source had ramped up. You wished you could do more to help him, even ease the tension in his frame a little, but you didn’t want to distract him at such a crucial time - endlessly frustrated that you were too small to bring him energon cubes, too small to massage his shoulders, or drop a kiss on his faceplate without stealing too much of his attention away. At least that was one thing you could do - not be a distraction. Glumly, you roll over in your little nest of blankets on a corner of Ratchet’s berth. For the nth time in months, you take in his empty habsuite and despite your best efforts, fail to keep the loneliness at bay. You miss Ratchet - the way he’d huff when you press a goodnight kiss to his faceplate, yet be unable to stop a soft smile when you snuggle into his side. He way he’d carefully arrange you beside him with warm, gentle servos, and the rumble of his chassis as he bid you goodnight in return. On other nights, when you both weren’t ready to fall asleep yet, talking quietly together in the dark about everything and anything, Ratchet’s servo cupped around you as you basked in the turquoise glow his optics cast onto the ceiling.

There was no helping it, though. Ratchet had more pressing matters to attend to. However, as you tossed and turned in your little blanket pile, you became increasingly aware of a problem of your own - you were really, really horny. Burying your head in the blankets, you attempt to hide the flush of shame that bloomed on your cheeks. The bots were fighting a war, and here you were, fighting your own impulses.

It had been an impulse purchase, made on a weekend where you were back in your own apartment - a bright red and white striped silicone dildo. As soon as you saw it, you immediately thought of Ratchet. It was a little thicker than what you normally went for, but that only made it all the more perfect. The flaming blush on your face did little to stop you from adding it to your cart and purchasing it with expedited shipping.

You’d actually intended on revealing your purchase to Ratchet when quite early on, thinking that he could use it on you while preparing you to take his spike - but your first encounter had you utterly convinced that magic was real, and it resided in Ratchet’s servos. You’d taken his spike with barely any discomfort the very first time you slept together (probably down to the fact that he’d spent hours eating you out and working you open on his servos until you were an incoherent mess). That said, you’d never actually gotten the chance to tell Ratchet about your purchase, much less use it. After all, why settle for the inferior option when Ratchet was right there and willing?

Ratchet might be willing, but as of present, he is not here. And based on the past few months, he probably won’t be for a while. You’d often stirred awake in the wee hours of the night to Ratchet wearily settling in berth beside you, and the only reason he was there was probably because Optimus had sternly insisted on his taking a break.

With another long night stretching ahead of you, what better time to put your purchase to the test?

You’d shoved it somewhere deep in your pile of belongings kept at base, still completely unopened in its package. Digging it out, you tear the box open to reveal the dildo in all its red-and-white striped glory. Less awe-inspiring than Ratchet’s spike, but you supposed beggars couldn’t be choosers. Anyway, it had been a while since you’d taken Ratchet and without the meticulous care of his magic servos, it was for the best that you were starting small. Well, smaller. You can’t help but blush when you remember that, when you first purchased this, you’d thought it was intimidating. Man, Ratchet had really ruined you for anyone and anything else.

You don’t even need lube at this point - you glide the cool silicone over your slick folds, hips jerking as the ridged head catches on your clit. You can’t help your breathy moan when it fills you up, inch by inch, every sensitive nerve ending singing to life until you sag back into your blanket nest with the satisfaction of feeling full. You close your eyes and imagine that it’s Ratchet’s spike filling you up. He doesn’t necessarily jackhammer into you unless you specifically request it - he doesn’t need to. Powerful, purposeful thrusts have you writhing beneath him, crying out his name as he drives deep, looking at him through teary eyes to see the affection for you in his optics. You pick up the pace, driving the dildo deeper into your weeping hole, arching your back as you try to hit that spot Ratchet always seems to find effortlessly. The biolights along his spike drag deliciously against your walls, nudging your clit on every stroke - whereas this dildo is smooth. Once upon a time, it would have been more than enough to tip you over the edge. Now, you find yourself missing Ratchet more and more, and yourself further and further from orgasm. Blowing your hair out of your face and frustratedly kicking the blankets away, you let your legs fall apart once more and exhale as the blessedly cool air of his habsuite hits your overheated body. You screw your eyes shut again, clenching around the dildo. Reaching a hand down to rub your clit, you fall into another memory - one from your first time together, of Ratchet eating you out. You press the dildo deeper inside you, breath hitching as it sets off a wave of pleasure that cascades through your body. You’d practically spasmed in his hold when he pushed his glossa into you - eagerly mapping out the sensitive spots that would make you sob with pleasure, curling his glossa against your walls in a way that had you thrashing against him. Angling the dildo just so, you bite your lip as the head brushes a particularly good spot - more heat rushes to your face as you remember when Ratchet first fingered you open, not letting up once he’d found the spot that made you scream -

“Y/n?”

All at once, your eyes shoot open as a familiar, rumbling voice calls out to you. Ratchet of Vaporex, Autobot medic and sex god extraordinaire, stands in the doorway of his habsuite, optics huge as he takes in the sight of you absolutely debauched on his berth.

“Um,” you squeak, mortified. “Welcome back?”

His vocaliser audibly resets with a click. “Optimus - he told me to, ah.”

You chance a look at him when you hear the low hum of static in his voice. Ratchet’s still in the doorway, servos clenching at his sides as he takes in your flushed face and spread legs.

Well. You didn’t expect him to be that interested. Maybe there’s a way to save this, after all. Fighting your raging embarrassment, you meet Ratchet’s optics and slowly, exaggeratedly, slide the dildo out until just the tip is inside you. Ratchet takes the bait - his optics snap to the movement of your arm, your hand, and finally, you can audibly hear his optics hyperfocus on the thick, red dildo that splits you open.

“Y-You-” he rasps, vocaliser spitting static, and it’s all he can get out before his cooling fans kick on with a high-pitched whirr.

“I missed you,” you say, and your voice is no better - wrecked, just at the thought of him.

His fans kick on impossibly higher, but to his credit, Ratchet recovers quickly.

“Well,” he rumbles, reaching over to lock the door to his habsuite. The shocked look in his optics has been resoundingly replaced with one of hunger. “I’ll just have to make it up to you.”

[sankofaspirit]

Why Do Black People Get Distracted by Trivial Matters? A Garveyite Perspective

Let’s talk about something that Marcus Garvey himself would’ve dissected with surgical precision: why do some Black people (or communities) get caught up in debates, distractions, and petty arguments while ignoring the bigger picture of liberation and empowerment?

Garvey’s philosophy wasn’t just about fancy speeches and bold rhetoric; it was about self-determination, economic independence, and unity among African people worldwide. Through a Garveyite lens, these distractions are not accidental—they’re rooted in historical conditioning, systemic oppression, and psychological warfare. Let’s break this down.

1. Colonial Conditioning and Mental Slavery

Colonialism didn’t just take land—it attacked the mind. By dividing and conquering African people, systems of white supremacy planted seeds of mistrust and division.

The result? Many of us are conditioned to focus on petty disagreements or individual competition rather than collective liberation. Garvey warned about this mental slavery and urged us to reclaim our minds.

2. Miseducation and Cultural Amnesia

"A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin, and culture is like a tree without roots." - Marcus Garvey

When you don’t know your history, you don’t know what’s worth fighting for. Schools don’t teach us about African civilizations, global Black resistance, or the wealth of resources stolen from the continent. Without this knowledge, we focus on superficial issues that ultimately don’t serve us.

3. Media Manipulation

Let’s keep it real: the media plays a MASSIVE role in keeping us distracted. From celebrity gossip to polarizing social media debates, the system feeds us distractions to prevent us from asking real questions like:

Why is the global wealth gap so tied to race?

Why is Africa STILL being exploited for resources?

Garvey’s solution? Build our own media outlets to control the narrative and focus on what really matters.

4. Economic Disempowerment and Survival Mode

When you're stuck in a cycle of poverty, your focus is on getting through the day—not dismantling systems of oppression. This isn’t a flaw in character; it’s a symptom of systemic economic disenfranchisement.

But here’s the thing: Garvey didn’t believe in waiting for handouts. He urged us to build Black-owned businesses, support each other economically, and create generational wealth.

5. Western Individualism vs. African Collectivism

Garvey saw the problem with adopting Western values like individualism. The “me, myself, and I” mentality often takes over, leaving collective issues—like reparations, unity, or community building—on the back burner.

He believed in African collectivism: a worldview where community > individual. His motto “One God, One Aim, One Destiny” was all about shared purpose.

6. Internalized Oppression and Conflict

Let’s not sugarcoat this: centuries of systemic racism have left scars. Many of us, consciously or unconsciously, project our pain onto each other. This shows up as follows:

Colorism

Classism

Petty infighting

Garvey said it best: "The Black skin is not a badge of shame but rather a glorious symbol of national greatness." Healing and unity are the antidotes to internalized oppression.

7. Symbolic Victories Over Structural Change

Representation in movies? Great. A seat at the table? Cool. But are these symbolic wins actually dismantling the systems that oppress us? Probably not.

Garvey didn’t care for empty gestures. He wanted land, wealth, power, and autonomy for Black people. Symbolism is nice, but ownership and self-governance are better.

8. Distrust and Fragmentation in the Diaspora

Colonialism fractured the African diaspora, leaving us divided by:

Geography (Africa vs. the diaspora)

Identity (Black Americans, Afro-Caribbeans, Afro-Latinos, etc.)

Misunderstanding each other’s struggles

Garvey’s response? Pan-Africanism. He believed that Black liberation could only be achieved through global solidarity, transcending these divisions.

9. Fear of Revolutionary Change

Here’s the truth: change is scary. It requires sacrifices, courage, and shaking up everything you’ve been conditioned to believe. Sometimes, distractions and debates are just ways to avoid stepping into the discomfort of revolutionary change.

Garvey called us to be bold, reminding us that freedom isn’t handed out—it’s fought for.

10. Unresolved Trauma and Mental Healing

Centuries of slavery, colonization, and systemic racism have left behind intergenerational trauma. This trauma often manifests as misdirected anger or unproductive debates.

While Garvey didn’t have today’s psychological vocabulary, his emphasis on pride, dignity, and self-love was a way of addressing these wounds.

11. External Exploitation of Intra-Community Conflicts

Let’s not forget: governments, corporations, and other external forces actively infiltrate Black movements to create division. Garvey himself experienced this when his movement was sabotaged by agents who spread false accusations and encouraged betrayal.

The lesson? Stay vigilant. Build movements that are resilient to sabotage by fostering trust and transparency.

What Would Garvey Say Today?

Garvey would look at today’s distractions—celebrity gossip, performative activism, endless social media debates—and remind us that we’re wasting valuable time. His message would be clear:

Unify across the diaspora.

Educate yourself about your history.

Build your own institutions, businesses, and systems.

Focus on liberation, not validation.

Because at the end of the day, the only way forward is together. One God. One Aim. One Destiny.

Final Thoughts

Distractions are not random—they’re strategic tools of oppression. Garvey’s philosophy teaches us to rise above them, focus on what truly matters, and take control of our destiny. The question is: Are we ready to listen?

[sirxlla]

Grand Gestures

----‐-------------------------------------------

Warnings: It's so fluffy Im gonna die.

Prompt: Being friends with Tim but you two act like a couple and realizing theres deeper feelings (request @nesting-dreams )

Notes: female reader, italics are actions and thoughts.

-With that said it's all under the cut-

Bruce requested that all of the Batboys take at least one night off a week, minimum. Naturally, Tim used his time off to spend time with you and play video games. Just domestic time that most would see as trivial. Tim always loved how you two enjoyed simple time together and how you both wanted to do things for eachother, it came naturally for you both. The both of you just got done with dinner about 10 minutes ago so you did dishes so he didnt have to later.

Afterwards, you laid on the couch and he lifted his arms for you so you could lay your head in his lap.

"Just let me finish this level and we can watch a movie or something, okay?"

"I don't mind, I like watching you play, Bubby." You reassured him as you nuzzled into his lap and watched him play his game, his arm rested on his head and the controller rested on his other thigh so you can see.

"Oh, My-" The both of you got scared and jumped at the same time which had prompted him to accidentally hit you in the nose with the controller, obviously you groaned.

"Holy- Are you okay?" Tim asks before looking down at you to check your nose, just a small bruise was forming there. He lowered his head to get a better look, he mouth so close to yours.

"Tim...I'm...I'm okay..." Your eyes finding his as his warm breath wafts across your face. His gaze flicks between your lips and your eyes. He pulls back as he notices how close he is, your lips almost try to chase his.

"I'm so sorry for...um...for hitting you." He tries to distract his thoughts, the last thing he'd wanna do is ruin your friendship by assuming this was more. He'd rather have you here than not have you at all by scaring you off.

"Tim, I- Can I- I...What is this?" You stammer out, you're just as worried as Tim it seems.

"We can be friends or like I mean if you wanted we could- I mean." Tim responded just as in shambles as you.

"I love you." You blurted out on accident which prompted two sets of red cheeks between the both of you.

"You love me?" His eyes lit up as he realized what you said. You nodded trying to realize that your best friend truly did love you and you him. You nuzzled your nose with his, the pain from the bump had faded. "She loves me" his brain repeated over and over as a bright smile filled his face but neither of you said more that night, you two didn't wanna push it or ruin the moment.

You worked at the local library and Tim often found himself "needing" books to research. Of course he could just use the BatComputer but that meant he cant see you, he brought you in some lunch from your favorite restaurant.

He bounced around the library for quite a while looking for different books and things that he needed. You watched him, he was sneaky about whatever he was doing but you just laughed and shrugged it off.

"What are you hiding from me, Drake?" You asked him as he went to your coworker to check out and not you like he normally did.

"N- N- Nothing! I promise." Tim stammered the words out with a blush.

"Alright, If you say so." God, he was so cute it was hard not to smile or believe him.

"You wanna know what he checked out?" Your coworker asks.

"No, he'll tell me if it's important."

"Come over to the manor, please? I need your help." He texted you later that evening.

"Everything alright?" Worry shot through you as you responded to his text.

"It's all good, just...please?" He repeated himself in another text.

"Okay, I'm omw. See you then."

When you arrived at the manor Tim moved over to your driver's side door and opened it all gentleman like and helped you out of the car.

"If- Um...If you don't love me like I love you then just consider this a nice dinner but if you do then can we consider it a date?" He asked/stated nervously.

"Is that why you're dressed all nice, Bubby?" You heart was swelling. Tim had gone through so much effort, his expression made that obvious.

"Yeah, I- Oh, god..." He was starting to think this was a bad idea and you could tell.

"Well, I'd be honored to have it be our first date." You smiled and gently used your hand to guide chin so his eyes looked back up into yours.

"I read like a whole bunch of romance novels and they said the most romantic area for a date was usually a gazebo so I fixed the one in the yard up and I got light and everything. For dinner I had Alfred show me how to cook a- and I wanted to do all the work and have it dont by me and I found that song that we both liked when we both first met and-"

He kept rambling and cutting himself off, it was honestly one of- scratch that it is the sweetest thing a man has ever done for you. Tim clearly was nervous and rambly still so you cut him off, grabbing his face and kissing him deeply.

"You could get me a cardboard shitty pizza and I would think it was the best, Tim. This is just- Oh, god..." Tears fell into your eyes and he started to go into panic mode.

"Oh, god was it too much? I-" He watched you tear up before you hugged him and his worry vanished again.

"Oh...Happy tears?" He asked as you burried your face in his neck.

"It literally wasn't super hard to do and I just want you to be happy all the time." He rubbed your back.

"You're my everything, Sweetheart."

"I can't be your everything cause your my everything." You were sniffling before he sat you down and ran off to go get dinner.

"Stay here, I promise. It'll be perfect."

He came back with a tray of food assisted by his very clearly proud oldest brother. Dick was obviously proud but he wasnt gonna butt in and ruin his litter brother's big gesture.

They both placed the trays down and what was it but pie. Your brows furrowed for a second as you thought but then it hit you.

When you met him for the first time, you went on this whole long expedition of a conversation about pie at Pauli's diner.

"You- you remembered." You looked up at him.

"It's easy to remember when the cute stranger next to you goes on a tirade about pie." He laughs as he gazes into your eyes and the way the fairy lights bounce off of them.

"I knew from that moment I wanted you in my life in any way possible. You made me feel safe in the way you talked about whatever. It's...It's something I wish I was so confident to do with a stranger."

"Well, for one I didnt know you were Bruce Wayne's son and I figure most of the time, you'll never see specific people again so if you mess it up it's okay cause the likelyhood you see them again is slim but if they think you're cool then you just made a friend." You take a bite out of the pie and it's amazing, you eyes widen.

"That level of optimism is refreshing in such a place like Gotham. Its one of the things I love about yo-" He sees your reaction.

"Oh, God. Dont hate it." He thinks to himself.

"No way you made that yourself! Holy- Wow! That's...thats phenomenal." You praised and yet again his anxiety was curbed, you did it so naturally without noticing it. He hoped he could give you everything you give him and return it back by a tenfold. He was down bad and the happiest man Gotham right now with the best woman in the city- scratch that...the world.

-> Masterlist <-

[lortsyall]

Echoes of Eywa's Child.

chapter 4.

(Neteyam x Human!Reader series)

author's note: Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2025 brings you everything you wish for and more! I had a blast writing this chapter, and I’m so excited for you all to dive into it. But, as always, my exams are calling my name, so I’ll be back when I can. In the meantime, enjoy this chapter! ✨

Pending…Pending…

Date: August 17th,2174.

Location: Sully Marui,High Camp,Mons Veritatis,Hallelujah Mountains,Pandora.

Time: 1:28AM.

The stars always had a way of making me feel small. Not in a bad way, though—more like I was part of something much bigger, something infinite. My father once told me which one of those stars was Earth. He’d pointed it out during one of our rare quiet moments together, his voice low and steady, full of memories he didn’t share often.

“That’s Earth,” he’d said, his hand resting on my shoulder. “Where I came from. Where humans come from.”

I remember staring at the tiny dot of light, so far away, and thinking how strange it was that my blood carried a piece of that place. That tiny, distant star was supposed to be part of me, part of my story.

But I never felt it.

I never wanted to feel it.

The idea that I was part human always left a bitter taste in my mouth. It wasn’t shame exactly, more like... rejection. Like if I didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t be true. I could just be Na’vi. Fully Na’vi. The son of Toruk Makto, the son of the People. Not this... mix, this in-between thing that didn’t quite fit anywhere.

I think that’s why her words hit me the way they did.

“I don’t belong here,” she’d said last night, her voice so quiet it was almost swallowed by the darkness around us.

I understood that. Too well.

I’d felt it the moment we arrived in Awa’atlu, surrounded by the sea clan with their skeptical eyes and quiet whispers. I’d been the golden boy back in the forest, the future Olo’eyktan, the one who had it all figured out. But in the reef, I was a stranger. A fish out of water. Literally.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t enough. Not strong enough, not skilled enough, not... enough.

I’d see it in their eyes sometimes, the Metkayina. That subtle shift when they looked at me. The respect was still there,yet the feeling lingered. Like I didn’t quite belong, no matter how hard I tried.

And now, here I was again, caught between worlds.

She reminded me of myself back then. That restless energy, that sharp defensiveness. She was trying so hard to figure out where she fit, just like I had. But she didn’t see what I saw in her: a spark, something unyielding, like she’d find her place no matter what it took.

That scared me, I think. The way I found myself wanting to be part of her story, wanting to help her figure it out. She wasn’t like anyone else I’d met.

She was... different.

And that terrified me.

Because I didn’t know what to do with that. Didn’t know how to handle the way my thoughts kept circling back to her, the way I noticed every little detail about her. The curve of her lips when she was annoyed. How she got so mad at me when I saved her,and I couldn’t help but feel amused,thanks to her fiery nature.

It was distracting, and I didn’t like being distracted.

I sighed, running a hand through my braids as I stared up at the stars again. The night was quiet, the village still. Somewhere in the distance, the soft hum of the forest blended with the faint whispers of the breeze.

I told myself to stop thinking about her. We’ve known each other for what,a few weeks?That is,if you count the fact that I didn’t see her for some time after the first ambush when Eywa sent the atokirina her way.

 I need to focus. To focus on the tasks ahead, on my duty to my people, to my father. But it was harder than I wanted to admit.

Because she wasn’t just in my head anymore.

She was under my skin.

The morning came not with the rising sun but with the familiar pull of duty, a rhythm as natural to me as breathing. Sleep had been fleeting, fractured by restless dreams and thoughts I didn’t care to name. It wasn’t unusual—restlessness had been my companion since the day we left the Omatikaya forests for Awa’atlu. But today, it felt different, heavier somehow.

As the first hints of light crept over the trees, I stepped out of my tent, the cool morning air brushing against my skin. Tendrils of bioluminescence still lingered, fading with the approach of dawn.

I made my way toward the ikran rookery, my steps purposeful yet unhurried. Na’la was already awake, perched on a high branch, preening her bright green and blue feathers. She chirped as I approached, a sharp, almost impatient sound that made me smile.

“You’re eager today,” I said in Na’vi, running my hand along her neck. Her scales were warm beneath my palm, and she tilted her head toward me, demanding more attention.

“Na’la, we have work to do,” I murmured, though my tone was more affectionate than scolding. I untangled the leather reins and checked the straps carefully.

A familiar voice broke the quiet. “You talk to her like she’s your child.”

I turned to see Lo’ak leaning against a nearby tree, a teasing grin plastered across his face. He had the kind of ease about him that I envied sometimes, like the weight of the world hadn’t yet found a way to settle on his shoulders.

“And you talk like you’re not late,” I shot back, raising a brow.

Lo’ak laughed, stepping closer. “Father’s been asking about the perimeter check. You’re supposed to report in after.”

“I know,” I replied, securing the final strap on Na’la’s harness. “I’m heading out now.”

Lo’ak’s gaze lingered on me, his grin fading slightly. “You didn’t sleep again, did you?”

“I’m fine,” I said quickly, brushing off his concern.

“You’re always ‘fine,’” Lo’ak muttered, crossing his arms. “One day, you’re going to have to admit you’re not perfect, bro.”

“I’ll let you know when that day comes,” I replied, swinging onto Na’la’s back. “Now, are you coming, or are you just here to criticize me?”

Lo’ak chuckled, shaking his head. “I’ve got my own tasks, thanks. I have to go over some strategies with Za'ruk for the next ambush. But try not to overthink everything, alright? You’re worse than Kiri sometimes.”

I ignored his jab, giving Na’la the signal to take off. The rush of wind and the sudden burst of speed cleared my mind, at least for a moment. The forest spread out beneath us, an endless expanse of green and blue, dotted with the faint glow of the morning’s first light.

As we approached the eastern perimeter, I scanned the ground below, noting the subtle signs of movement among the foliage. A small group of hunters was already out, their bows slung across their backs as they moved with practiced precision.

I landed Na’la near the group, dismounting with a fluid motion. The lead hunter, a tall Na’vi named Ayzek, approached with a nod of greeting.

“Neteyam. Oel ngati kameie,ma tsmukan.” he said, his voice steady,as he greets me in the Na’vi way. “Everything’s quiet this morning. No sign of activity from the Sky People.”

“I see you,brother.Good,” I replied, glancing toward the horizon. “But stay alert. They’ve been quiet for too long.”

Ayzek nodded again, his expression serious. “We’ll keep watch.”

I spent the next hour moving along the perimeter, checking for any signs of disturbance. The forest was eerily peaceful, the kind of quiet that always felt like the calm before a storm. Yet the storm never came.

By the time I finished, the sun was fully above the trees, casting long shadows across the ground. I guided Na’la back towards the village, my mind already shifting to the next task on my list.Grandmother asked me if I could gather some herbs for her,so I got to work.

I found the plants I needed, bending low to carefully pluck the delicate leaves. The task was simple enough, but my thoughts kept returning to the conversation we’d had last night. She had been so guarded, so closed off. But underneath that was something more—something I couldn’t quite put into words. It reminded me of the way the forest was sometimes: unpredictable, wild, full of life, but also dangerous.

As I landed back at base,I made my way quickly to my grandmother’s tent, the familiar scent of herbs and smoke greeted me. The Tsahìk was seated cross-legged near a low fire, her hands deftly mixing a paste in a stone bowl.

“Grandmother,I see you." I said, bowing my head respectfully.

“Neteyam,” she replied without looking up. “You are late.”

“My apologies,” I said, kneeling beside her. “The perimeter was secure.”

She finally looked at me, her sharp eyes narrowing slightly. “And yet your mind is elsewhere.”

I hesitated, unsure how to respond. My grandmother had a way of seeing through me, of pulling truths I wasn’t ready to confront.

“There is much to think about,” I said carefully.

Her gaze lingered on me for a moment longer,a small smile making its way on her face before she returned to her work. “Your father has asked for you. Go to him when you are done here.”

I nodded, rising to my feet. Her words stayed with me as I made my way toward his marui. There was always something to think about, always something to do. But lately, my thoughts kept returning to her—to the human girl who didn’t belong here, yet somehow felt like she might.

For now, though, there was work to be done. And work was the one thing I could always count on to keep my mind in check.

The low hum of the base was the only sound besides the soft padding of my footsteps as I made my way to my father’s marui. My mind was still spinning from the conversation I’d had earlier, the one that had gotten under my skin more than I wanted to admit. I wasn’t sure what it was about her that kept pulling my attention, but the more I saw of her, the harder it was to ignore the strange pull.

I rounded a corner, barely glancing up before—

Bam!

I felt the impact hard in my chest as she collided with me, sending a jolt through both of us. My body instinctively moved to catch her, but she was already stepping back, muttering under her breath.

“Dammit,” she hissed, her hand flying to her left shoulder, massaging the spot she’d rammed into me. “Fucking hell, watch where—”

Her voice faltered mid-curse as her eyes flicked up to meet mine. Wide and startled, her gaze locked onto mine, and for a moment, we both froze. The air between us thickened, silent except for the faint hum of the base and the echo of her earlier words.

“Neteyam?” she said finally, her voice softer now, tinged with surprise.

I blinked, the initial shock fading as I took her in. Her cheeks were flushed—whether from embarrassment or irritation, I couldn’t tell—and her lips were slightly parted as if she wasn’t sure what to say next. Fucking hell, she’s so pretty.

“Syulang,” I said, letting out a breathless laugh and easing into a grin. “Are you trying to get me killed?”

She straightened up and let out an exasperated sigh. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” she muttered, then huffed in frustration. “I swear, I need to be more careful. My brain��s on autopilot lately.”

I chuckled, the sound breaking some of the tension. “No harm done. You sure you’re okay? That was a pretty solid hit.” I asked, studying her face. The frustration from earlier had softened, but I couldn’t help noticing how much more relaxed she looked.

She rolled her eyes but smiled faintly. “I’ve had worse,” she said, rubbing her shoulder one more time before she gestured vaguely down the hall, a little too animated, her voice picking up speed. “I was actually heading to Unit 2—kind of a weird place, but cozy enough. I’ve already taken some blood samples, nothing too fancy, you know? Just figuring out some things with the new enhanced Avatar technology and—” She paused, blinking as if she hadn’t realized how much she was talking.

I couldn’t tear my gaze away from her. She was talking so fast, her words tumbling over each other like she was on a mission to distract herself, or maybe... distract me. She was so different from the defensive girl I had bumped into last night in the common room. Either way, I could feel my heart rate picking up in the strangest way.

“Blood samples?” I repeated, trying to focus on the words, though I couldn’t stop staring at how her lips moved when she spoke. “What... kind of samples?” Did I really just ask what kind of samples? Am I a fucking idiot?

"Oh, you know,” she said, waving her hand dismissively, “baseline stuff. Standard variables. I can’t really get into the fun experiments until I have a solid foundation to work with.” She grinned like she was sharing some inside secret, and for a moment, I found myself completely captivated by the spark in her eyes.

She was so different from anyone I’d met. So...alive, in a way I couldn’t quite explain.

“Right,” I said, quieter than I intended, distracted by the way her hair caught the faint light. “You’re settling in, I see?”

Her laugh was soft, disarming. “What else am I supposed to do around here? Besides, I’ve got to keep busy or else I’ll start thinking too much about... everything else.”

The way she said everything else stirred something in my chest. It was in her tone, the way her words seemed heavier than they should have been. I didn’t want to push, but I couldn’t stop myself. “What do you mean, everything else?”

She hesitated, a fleeting expression of vulnerability crossing her face. Like she hadn’t meant to let that slip. Then, with a small shrug and a half-smile, she answered, “It’s nothing, really. Just... adjusting. I know I’m not exactly welcome here, but I don’t have a lot of options right now,do I?”

Her voice softened toward the end, her posture shifting slightly, as though the weight of her words had finally settled on her shoulders. My eyes caught the way her fingers tugged at her cuticles—a nervous habit I’d seen around before. It was subtle but telling, the kind of gesture that hinted at something deeper bubbling under the surface.

She’s anxious... huh.

“I get it,” I said gently, my voice dropping in volume as though I didn’t want to break the fragile moment between us. “It’s... a lot to take in. But you’ll find your place. In time. You just have to trust the process.”

Her eyes flickered toward me, and for a second, something unreadable passed through them—an emotion too layered to pin down.The look lingered just long enough to make my chest tighten before she glanced away, letting her gaze drift to the floor.

That’s when I saw it again—the same vulnerable look she’d had last night. The mask she wore, the one that made her seem sharp and untouchable, slipped just a little. Beneath it was something raw, something almost fragile.

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but the words seemed to catch in her throat. Her lips pressed into a thin line before she let out a soft sigh. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she spoke. “You’re right,” she said, her voice quieter now, thoughtful but distant, as if she was speaking more to herself than to me.

I didn’t press her, even though the pause felt heavy with unspoken things. I could sense the struggle she was having, the way she weighed every word like it might tip some precarious balance. Instead, I let the silence stretch between us, offering her the space to decide what she wanted to say—or not say.

But even as her eyes stayed fixed on the floor below, her fingers had stopped pulling at her cuticles. A small thing, but I noticed.

And just like that, the moment seemed to waver, as fragile as a thread. She stepped back, her attention shifting toward the path. “Anyway... I should get back to the lab. I’ve still got a ton of data to go through.”

I watched her pull away, feeling a sudden, inexplicable tightness in my chest. There was no reason for me to feel like this, no reason for the way my feet wanted to follow hers even as she moved further away. I don’t even know her that well. 

“Yeah, okay,” I muttered. “I’ll see you later?”

She glanced back at me, her lips curling into a small smile. “Actually,” she said, a mischievous,yet shy glint in her eyes, “how about we meet in the common room tonight,around 11? You know, talk more. Like last night. I could use a distraction.”

Her invitation—casual, but somehow intimate—had my heart beating faster than it should have. For a split second, I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or panicked. There was something about her that pulled at me in a way that I couldn’t control. But I nodded anyway.

“Sure. Tonight. I’ll uh…I’ll see you there.” I said, my voice quieter and more shy than usual. 

Her smile lingered for a moment, her gaze soft and warm, before she turned and walked off down the hall. I couldn’t stop watching her as she disappeared into the distance.

The moment she was out of sight, I exhaled sharply, trying to calm the racing thoughts in my mind. What is wrong with me?

I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted. Between the two of us, something was changing—something I wasn’t prepared for. And I didn’t know whether to embrace it or run. But all I knew for sure was that I’d be in that common room tonight, just like she wanted.

Whatever happens then, I’ll deal with it.

I stood there for a few moments after she walked away, my mind swirling with the unexpected tension that had sparked between us. It wasn’t like me to get so... flustered. I wasn’t some teenager caught off guard by a fleeting glance or a playful smile. But the way she spoke, how she was so full of energy now that she was in her own element, and how the words seemed to flow out of her like she couldn’t stop herself—it made me feel... unsteady.

Shaking my head to clear the thoughts clouding my mind, I turned on my heel and continued my path toward my father's marui. There was no time to be distracted right now. I had duties to attend to, responsibilities I couldn’t afford to ignore.

I hadn’t been on my way for more than a few minutes before the weight of the moment caught up with me again. She had asked to meet later—tonight—and I hadn’t expected it. I had thought maybe it was a fluke, a casual comment. But the look in her eyes, the sincerity of her words, made it clear she meant it. And despite everything, part of me wanted to meet her. Wanted to see what would happen when we spoke more, when we spent more time together.

But now wasn’t the time for that. I had bigger things to worry about.

I reached my father’s marui, the familiar earthy scent of the woven structure greeting me as I stepped inside. The dim light of late morning filtered through the arched openings, casting intricate patterns over the floor. My thoughts were still scattered, each one vying for attention like a restless storm.

Dad was already there, sitting cross-legged at the center of the room, his posture as straight as ever, exuding a quiet authority. A map of the surrounding territories was spread out before him, his fingers tracing lines and markings that detailed our fragile hold on this land.

“You’re late,” he said, his voice steady but tinged with mild reprimand. He didn’t look up; he didn’t need to. His tone carried enough weight.

“Sorry, Dad,” I muttered, lowering myself to sit across from him. The woven mat beneath me felt rough, grounding. “Got... distracted.”

At that, his eyes flicked up, sharp and discerning. Concern flickered briefly in his gaze, though it was hidden beneath his stoic exterior. “Distracted?” His brow furrowed. “You’re still thinking about those reports from yesterday?”

I almost laughed at that—those reports were the last thing on my mind—but I stopped myself, shaking my head. “No, not exactly.” My tone was too neutral, betraying nothing of the whirlwind in my head. The lab, the ambushes, the strange pull I felt toward her—all of it churned within me, just out of reach.

Dad’s gaze lingered for a moment, his keen eyes assessing me. “You’re sure? Because…whatever’s bothering you, we need to stay focused. We’ve got more problems than just the RDA and their new push for territory.”

“I know,” I said, nodding quickly, trying to appear more resolute than I felt. “I’m focused, Dad. It’s just...there’s a lot going on right now. Everything’s changing so fast, and I don’t think I’ve caught up yet.”

For a moment, silence stretched between us. Then, to my surprise, his expression softened. He leaned back slightly, the tension in his shoulders easing. “You know,” he began, his tone uncharacteristically reflective, “I’ve been where you are. When I came here as a human. When we moved to Awa’atlu, to live with the Metkayina. I felt like I was walking into another world,every single time. Everything I knew was stripped away. For the first time, I didn’t know where I fit.”

I blinked, taken aback. My father—so steady, so unwavering—had felt that way? I’d never heard him speak like this before.

“You?” I asked, skepticism coloring my voice despite myself.

He smirked faintly, but his eyes remained serious. “Yes, me. I was used to being in control, to knowing my role and what was expected of me,especially here with the people. Our people. But there, among the Metkayina... I was an outsider. Not to mention,back when I came here to Pandora,almost everyone looked  down on me because of my…condition. I had to learn everything from scratch, adapt to a way of life that was completely foreign to me.”

“And you found your place eventually,” I said quietly, as though seeking confirmation.

“I did,” he said with a slow nod. “But it wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t always clear. Sometimes, finding your place isn’t about fitting in. It’s about carving out your own path, even if it’s not what you expected.”

His words settled heavily in the air between us. They were meant to reassure me, I knew, but they only seemed to magnify the doubts I hadn’t yet voiced.

“What if I’m not sure where I belong anymore?” I asked, the question slipping out before I could stop it. I could feel the regret seeping into my bones almost instantly.

My father’s gaze softened, and for a moment, he leaned forward, his voice dropping to a lower, more intimate tone. “You’re my son, Neteyam. You’ve always been destined to lead. But leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about making the hard choices when no one else will. And right now, you’re needed. By your family, by the clan. Don’t forget that.”

I nodded, his words hitting their mark. The familiar weight of responsibility settled on my shoulders again, grounding me even as the unease within me continued to churn.

“Got it,” I said, standing up, summoning a conviction I didn’t truly feel. My legs felt heavy, as if the weight of every expectation was dragging me down. I am so, so tired. The kind of exhaustion that seeps into your bones, that lingers even after the day is done. But I couldn’t let it show, not now. Not in front of him.

I glanced at my father’s face—strong, unwavering, the image of everything I was supposed to be—and felt the pressure tighten around me like a vise. I can’t let him down. I can’t let anyone down.

“I’ll handle it, Dad,” I said, my voice steady despite the storm brewing inside me. I squared my shoulders, as if straightening my spine could bear the weight a little better. “I’ll take care of everything.”

But even as I spoke the words, they felt hollow, as though I was pouring from a well that had long since run dry. The weight of responsibility, of duty, of always being the one everyone relied on—it was crushing. Yet I swallowed the heaviness, shoving it down where no one could see, because that’s what was expected of me. That’s what I had to be.

“I know you will,” he replied firmly. “Now, let’s go over those raid reports from the Aranahe. Priya said Etuwa mentioned something important about their movements.”

We spent the next hour combing through the maps and plans, dissecting strategies and weighing risks. By the time we finished, my head was spinning with logistical details, but the unease hadn’t left me. It clung to me, stubborn and unrelenting.

As I stepped out of the marui, the mid-morning sun had risen higher, casting dappled light through the canopy above. The air felt thick with possibility and tension, the kind that promised change.

And tonight, I would talk to her. Maybe then I’d start to make sense of the storm inside me. Maybe then I’d begin to understand what it was about her that had shifted my entire world off its axis.

The soft glow of the lamps in the common room greeted me as I pushed open the door, expecting to see her sitting at one of the tables, waiting for me like we had planned. But the room was empty, save for a few scattered papers and a faint hum in the air. The silence felt heavier than it should have, and I couldn't help but feel a small knot form in my stomach. Had she changed her mind? Was I being too... eager?

I stood there for a moment, my gaze flicking from one corner of the room to the other, my thoughts racing. It wasn’t like her to ditch without saying something. She didn't seem like that kind of person. My hand lingered on the doorframe as I considered the possibility that I’d misread her intentions. Maybe she just didn’t want to talk tonight.

"Great," I muttered under my breath. "Did she forget, or did I get the time wrong?"

I lingered for a minute, debating if I should just call it a night, but something told me to check on her. Her room wasn’t far, and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to swing by.

When I reached her door, I knocked softly. "You in there?"

There was a pause, then her voice came through, muffled but annoyed. "Yeah, come in."

I stepped inside and found her sitting on her bed, one hand digging into her left shoulder with an almost pained expression. Her hair was loose, framing her face, and she looked… tired. Not just physically, but like she was carrying something heavy.

“What’s going on? You okay?” I asked, stepping closer, my voice laced with concern.

She sighed, brushing a strand of hair out of her face as she gave me a weak smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t meet you in the common room. My shoulder’s acting up, and I couldn’t drag myself out of bed.”

My brows knit together in a deep frown, the memory of her earlier bumping into me flashing in my mind. “Did you… did you hurt yourself when you bumped into me today?”

“What?” she asked, her expression confused before shaking her head quickly. “No, no, I—”

Her words trailed off, and for a moment, she hesitated. The confident, sharp-tongued girl I knew seemed to falter, her smile fading into something more vulnerable. Then, with a frustrated groan, she dropped the façade altogether.

“...Gah. A long time ago, I had an accident at the gym. Lifted before I warmed up and messed up my shoulder pretty bad,” she admitted, her voice quieter now, almost reluctant. “I got it fixed back on Earth, but sometimes it still flares up. I think it’s the pressure here, the mountains, the Flux Vortex. Everything feels heavier, and sometimes it just… hurts like hell.”

Her honesty hit me like a wave, and I found myself at a loss for words. For all her fire and wit, there was a fragility to her I hadn’t expected.

“Why didn’t you tell someone?” I asked, confusion—and maybe a hint of frustration—coloring my voice.

She sighed again, her fingers tracing idle patterns on the blanket covering her legs. “I don’t like people fussing over me, okay? It’s… embarrassing. Makes me feel weird and emotional. And when the pain gets bad, I turn into a total asshole. Groggy, snappy, all that fun stuff. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to be around me then."

I tilted my head, smirking. "Paskalin, I’ve seen you pissed off at me for saving your life. I think I can handle snappy.’" 

The term of endearment fit her so well, even better than syulang. She wasn’t delicate like a flower, something to be admired from a distance or sheltered from the wind. No, she was something else entirely. She had a resilience, a sharpness under her sweetness that reminded me of the wild berries that grew deep in the forest. Small, vibrant, and full of flavor, but with a tang that lingered.

Paskalin.

The word rolled through my lips like a whisper, soft and unassuming, yet it carried so much weight. Sweet berry. It was her—unexpected, unapologetic, and impossible to forget. Every interaction with her left a taste, something unique that stayed with me long after she was gone. She wasn’t just something pretty to look at; she had depth, layers, and a wildness that drew you in.

Calling her syulang like I did when I bumped into her wouldn’t have done her justice in this moment. She wasn’t fragile or fleeting. She was vibrant, alive in a way that commanded attention without trying. Paskalin. That was her.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized the name wasn’t just fitting—it felt like it had been waiting for her all along.

That made her laugh for real. For a moment,I could feel she didn't want to admit that I had saved her life. "...Okay, fair point. But still, it’s annoying as hell. Plus,I told you,I don’t like people fussing over me. I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to get attention.”

“Too bad,” I said firmly, moving closer and sitting on the edge of her bed without a second thought. Gosh,these beds are small. “You’re stuck with me now.”

She blinked at me, momentarily surprised, before letting out a soft, genuine laugh. It wasn’t the sharp, sarcastic sound I was used to—it was warm, unguarded. It made something tighten in my chest.

“Great,” she said, her voice dripping with playful sarcasm. “Just what I needed—Prince Charming to the rescue.”

I smirked, leaning back slightly but keeping my gaze steady on her. “I’m serious, though. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. You don’t have to.”

She rolled her eyes, but I could see the faintest hint of gratitude in her expression. “Yeah, yeah. You’ve made your point.”

We spent the hour or so talking about the dumbest things—stories about the douchebags at her college back on Earth, our childhood memories, and random jokes that had us both laughing so hard my ribs hurt. To my surprise,it was so…natural. At some point, we decided we were starving, so we raided the common room for leftover snacks,and munched on them on the floor. It felt more comfortable sitting on the floor,given our…size difference.

I watched as she shifted uncomfortably, rubbing her shoulder again. I remembered how my grandmother used to massage my chest after I got shot, easing the tension on my back and helping the muscles heal. Before I could second-guess it, I asked her.

"Uh… do you want me to try something?" I asked, scratching the back of my neck.

She raised an eyebrow. "Try what?"

"My grandmother taught me a massage technique. It’s supposed to help with muscle pain. Worked for me when I, uh… got hurt." I didn’t elaborate. I couldn't open that part of myself to her. Not yet,at least. 

She raised an eyebrow, skeptical,the sass dripping from her tone. “What, you suddenly moonlight as a masseur now?”

“Shut up and turn around,” I said, rolling my eyes.

She snorted but complied, sitting cross-legged on the floor and turning her back to me. I positioned myself behind her,trying to remember the technique. As soon as I started kneading the tight muscles,she let out a long,low groan of relief.

My ears twitched,and I fought to keep my focus. It’s just a massage. Relax. But fuck,the way she was melting under my touch wasn’t helping.

“Holy shit,” she muttered, her voice muffled. “That feels… really good.”

“You’re tense as hell,” I said,trying to lighten up the mood. “Do you ever not carry the world on your shoulders?”

“Ha ha,” she deadpanned,though her voice was softer. “Keep going. Don’t stop.”

We stayed like that for a while,her groaning softly and me trying not to die of embarrassment. But somewhere in the rhythm of it,I realized something. We were becoming…friends. Real friends.

“Where were you when I needed this back on Earth?” she asks,a tinge of amusement present in her voice.

“Probably trying not to fall out of trees,” I said, grinning.

She laughed, the sound warm and genuine. “You’re terrible.”

I chuckled, though my face felt a little warmer as her laughter turned into soft groans of relief yet again,which weren't exactly helping me stay focused as my mind started drifting to other places.

I froze for half a second, my face heating up before I forced myself to focus. "Yeah, well, don’t get used to it. I charge for this kind of service."

She laughed, the sound muffled by another groan. "How much? I’ll pay whatever you want if you just keep doing that."

I couldn’t help but laugh as well, shaking my head. "You’re ridiculous."

"So are you," she shot back, her voice softer now. "Seriously, though. Thanks. I don’t... I don’t usually let people help me with this kind of stuff."

"Why not?"

She hesitated, then sighed. "I guess I don’t like feeling... vulnerable. Weak."

"That’s not weak,though." I said, my hands still working on her shoulder. "Just like your people have that saying. It’s human. Or,you know,whatever."

"Yeah. Or whatever." she said,her tone sarcastic,yet I could hear the faint smile in her voice.

We stayed like that for a while, the room quiet except for her soft breathing and the occasional sarcastic remark from her when I hit a particularly sore spot. By the time I finished, her shoulder was noticeably less tense, and she looked… lighter, somehow.

“Thanks,” she said, her voice softer than usual. “I mean it.”

“Anytime,” I replied, meaning it more than I realized. 

Her eyes lowered suddenly, a flicker of vulnerability creeping into her expression. “I guess... sometimes it’s hard for people to understand. They either see me as the tough, independent person,because that’s what I want them to see. Sometimes,I show them my softer part and I’m usually taken advantage of when I act like that. But… I’m not invincible,you know?”

I felt a knot tighten in my chest at her words. She was tough. She was smart. She was so much more than she seemed to give herself credit for. “You don’t have to apologize for being real and vulnerable,” I said, my voice low and reassuring. “You’re allowed to feel the way you do. You’re not alone here.”

She looked up at me, her eyes softening a little as she took in my words. “I didn’t realize how much I’ve been hiding. I guess it just gets... exhausting sometimes. Pretending that everything’s fine when it’s not.”

I couldn’t help but feel a wave of empathy wash over me. I knew that feeling. The pressure of always having to be strong, to always hold it together, even when everything inside you was falling apart. I had been in her shoes, more times than I cared to admit.

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” I said, meeting her gaze with a kind of sincerity I wasn’t sure I’d ever expressed before. “I know we haven’t known each other for long but…I get it. You’re not the only one trying to find their place. Sometimes, it’s easier to hide behind walls. But you don’t have to do that with me. Not anymore.”

For a moment, she just stared at me, her expression unreadable, and then something shifted in her eyes. Maybe she saw the truth in my words, or maybe she just needed to hear them. Either way, the tension in the room seemed to ease, just a little.

“I’m not great at this whole... opening up thing,” she said, letting out a weak,quiet laugh. “But I think... maybe it’s worth trying. Right?”

I smiled at her, feeling something warm blossom in my chest. “It’s worth trying,” I agreed. “And maybe, we can help each other with that. Maybe we can even be friends.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, an amused smile tugging at her lips. “Friends?” she asked, a teasing lilt to her voice,but I could see the excitement behind her wide eyes. “You sure you’re up for it, Neteyam?”

I said, a small smile tugging at the corner of my lips. “Of course I’m sure. Better yet,I’ll even make sure you don’t murder anyone with your mood swings.”

Her lips twitched into a smile, and she rolled her eyes, but I could see the appreciation in the small way her shoulders relaxed. “You’re a real charmer, you know.” she muttered, though there was no heat in her words.

“Hey, I’m just speaking the truth,” I replied with a grin. “The world needs more of me, I’m just saying.”

She let out a laugh, the sound a little strained but genuine. “Maybe one Neteyam is enough. I don’t know if the world could handle two.”

“I think you’re just jealous,” I teased, nudging her good shoulder lightly with my elbow.

She snorted, shaking her head. “Please. I’d rather be in pain than deal with your ego any more than I have to.”

“Fair enough,” I said, giving her a mock pout. “I’m trying to be helpful here, and you’re rejecting my kindness.”

She smirked. “I’m rejecting your sarcasm. But thanks... for listening. And for not running off the second I started talking about how much of a pain in the ass I am.”

I didn’t know why, but that made me feel warmer than it should’ve. “You’re not a pain in the ass. You’re... pretty cool, actually.” I paused, then added, “Pain or not.”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in, like, an hour.”

I chuckled. “Well, I’m happy to help.”

Slowly,we fell into a comfortable silence. The soft glow of the dim light casting shadows that danced gently across her features. The faint hum of the base filled the silence, but I barely noticed it. My attention was entirely on her.

She was leaning back on her palms, her head tilted slightly upward as she stared at the ceiling. Her hair, unbound and free, pooled around her shoulders and down her back like an ocean of soft waves. The light caught the natural sheen in it, creating an almost halo-like effect around her head. The strands seemed to ripple with her every subtle movement, and I couldn’t help but notice how effortlessly beautiful she looked—like a moment frozen in time, raw and unfiltered.

Her face, partially illuminated, carried an ethereal softness under the subdued light. The curve of her cheekbones, the delicate arch of her brows, and the faint shadow of her lashes against her skin—all of it felt magnified in this quiet, intimate moment. Her lips, slightly parted, caught my attention for a beat too long. Full and natural, they had a way of drawing my gaze without her even trying.

The dim light softened the sharpness of her features, making her look almost dreamlike. Her doe-like eyes, though unfocused as they traced patterns across the ceiling, seemed deeper somehow, like they held an entire galaxy behind them.

Her shoulders were relaxed, but there was a tension in the way her hands pressed into the floor, grounding her. The fabric of her loose shirt shifted slightly as she breathed, the neckline dipping just enough to reveal the faint outline of her collarbones. It wasn’t intentional—nothing about her ever seemed forced—but the simplicity of it only made her more alluring.

I watched as her chest rose and fell with each breath, the steady rhythm hypnotizing me. Her posture gave her an air of quiet confidence, as if she was completely at ease in this moment. Yet, there was a vulnerability there too, something that made her seem so real and tangible, like the delicate balance between strength and softness.

She shifted slightly, her fingers curling against the floor, and the movement was so subtle, so natural, it sent a strange thrill through me. I realized then just how intently I’d been watching her, how I couldn’t seem to look away. Every little detail—the way her hair framed her face, the soft curve of her lips, the calm yet restless energy she carried—was pulling me in, bit by bit.

This was dangerous—this pull she had over me, so effortless, so natural, yet so completely overwhelming. It wasn’t just her beauty, though that alone was enough to make my thoughts scatter. It was the way she existed in this moment, unguarded and unassuming, as if she didn’t even realize how much space she took up in my mind.

And yet, the longer I looked at her, the harder it became to remember why I shouldn’t. Why I shouldn’t let my mind wander to the way her hair cascaded over her shoulders like a waterfall. Why I shouldn’t think about how her lips, slightly parted, seemed to invite thoughts I had no business entertaining. Why I shouldn’t dwell on the way she held herself—with a mix of strength and vulnerability that made me want to learn every story, every scar, every smile.

It wasn’t just attraction; it was something deeper, more insidious. A seed of something I couldn’t quite name yet but knew would grow if I let it. She was starting to take root in my thoughts, her laugh, her voice, her endless curiosity all lingering in the corners of my mind long after she was gone.

I found myself breathing as if the air between us had grown heavier. Something was shifting in me—something I hadn’t expected, something I wasn’t sure I wanted. This wasn’t part of the plan. She wasn’t supposed to be part of the plan. And yet, she was becoming impossible to ignore.

The way she sat there, so perfectly unaware of the effect she was having on me, made it all the more dangerous. Because every second I spent watching her, every detail I memorized—the slight tilt of her head, the rhythm of her breathing, the way her fingers tapped absently against the floor—was another step toward something I couldn’t afford.

I wasn’t so sure about my loyalties anymore. That’s the thing with humans. They have a way of making you question everything. 

And still, I couldn’t stop myself. Couldn’t stop the way my chest tightened every time she moved. Couldn’t stop the thoughts racing through my mind, each one more foolish than the last.

She was becoming a gravity I couldn’t escape, a quiet pull drawing me closer with every breath. And as I stood there, caught in the silent orbit of her presence, I realized with a sinking clarity that I was falling. Slowly, maybe, but undeniably.

Her voice brought me back to reality, soft and melodic, like a breeze stirring the stillness of the night. I hadn’t even realized how lost I had become in my thoughts until she spoke, her words cutting through the haze and pulling me back into the moment.

I blinked, forcing myself to focus on her. She was still sitting there, leaning back on her palms, her eyes flickering to mine.

“You know,” she said, staring up at the ceiling, “I think this might be the most fun I’ve had in weeks.”

“Glad I could be of service,” I said, tossing a piece of fruit into my mouth.

Our conversation was then cut short by Norm as he stumbled in, half-asleep, rubbing his eyes and muttering something about needing stronger coffee around here, while we were sprawled on the floor, mid-laugh. We froze as his gaze landed on us, his sleepy expression shifting into one of confusion.

“What are you two doing?” he mumbled, scratching his head.

Never one to back down from an opportunity to tease,she turned to him. “Star gazing,” she said, deadpan, despite the fact that we were indoors.

Norm squinted, clearly too tired to argue. “Right. Well, carry on. Just… keep it down.” He shuffled over to the kitchenette, grabbed a glass of water, and disappeared as quickly as he’d arrived.

As soon as the door closed behind him, we burst out laughing again. I rolled onto my side, clutching my stomach. “Star gazing? Really?”

She grinned, unrepentant. “It worked, didn’t it?”

Shaking my head, I let the laughter fade and leaned back against the floor, staring up at the ceiling. The quiet hum of the outpost settled around us, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt completely relaxed. In a moment of confidence,I turned my head to look at her.

She turned her head to look at me as well,her cheek resting softly against the cool floor, and for a moment, I couldn't tear my gaze away. Her hair fanned out around her like a halo,tendrils spilling in all directions, catching the dim light in a way that made her seem almost otherworldly. In that split second, I was completely entranced, my heart doing a strange, sudden lurch in my chest. It was like everything around me went quiet, and all that mattered was the sight of her there, so effortlessly beautiful. I swear, my heart physically skipped a beat.

"You're staring," she said, her voice teasing, with a smirk playing at the corners of her lips.

I blinked rapidly, forcing myself to pull my eyes away from her. "Was not," I mumbled, but my voice betrayed me, the words coming out a little too quick, too defensive.

"Totally were," she shot back, poking me in the side with one finger, sending a small, unexpected jolt through me.

I let out a quiet breath, glancing at her with surprise. Her playfulness was so unexpected, and it threw me off balance more than I cared to admit.

"As if," I muttered, a small laugh bubbling up despite myself.

She smiled then, a small, genuine smile that seemed to warm the room, making my chest tighten in ways I couldn’t name. There was something about the way her expression softened, something that tugged at me. That simple, unguarded smile made the space between us feel both impossibly close and unbearably far, all at once. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt exposed under her gaze, and I didn’t want to look away—didn’t want to lose the moment.

"Okay, enough deep shit," she said with a dramatic flourish, flopping her back onto the floor like she’d just completed an intense workout. "Tell me something dumb. Like… what’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?"

I groaned, instantly feeling the weight of the question. "Oh, come on. That’s not fair."

"Fairness is overrated," she teased, smirking at me as if daring me to resist. "Come on, spill. I know you’ve got something good."

I sighed, running a hand through my braids, already regretting this conversation. "Fine. When I was like… ten, I tried to impress this girl by climbing a tree. Thought I was being all cool and smooth, y’know? But then I fell right out of it and landed in a pile of… well, let’s just say it wasn’t dirt."

She burst out laughing immediately, clutching her stomach like she couldn’t control herself. Her laugh was so contagious, I found myself cracking a smile, even though I was still cringing at the memory. "Oh my god! Please tell me she didn’t see the whole thing."

I grimaced, leaning back against the floor, trying to escape the embarrassment. "Unfortunately, yes. And she never, ever let me live it down."

She wiped a tear from her eye, still laughing uncontrollably. "Okay, your turn. Ask me something."

I thought for a moment, a mischievous grin slowly creeping onto my face. "Alright. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done to impress someone?"

She groaned and covered her face with both hands, clearly regretting her decision to play along. "Oh, you’re evil. Okay, fine." She sighed deeply, as if preparing to dive into the depths of embarrassment. "When I was fifteen, I had this huge crush on a guy, and he was obsessed with some TV series, so I… painted a triquetra on my wall in black paint to impress him. It’s like… a triangle symbol, I don’t know how to describe it."

I stared at her for a moment, speechless, before I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I burst out laughing, leaning forward in disbelief. "You’re kidding."

"Wish I was," she said, her voice muffled behind her hands, but I could still hear the faint edge of humiliation in it. "He didn’t even think it was that impressive, and my parents thought I was in a cult."

I doubled over in laughter, clutching my sides as the ridiculousness of her story hit me. It was almost too perfect. The image of her—who could be so effortlessly composed and sharp—doing something so… ridiculous to impress some guy was too much for me. I could barely breathe, still laughing so hard I thought I might pass out.

We kept trading stories like that for a while, our voices rising in fits of laughter, each ridiculous tale more outrageous than the last. By the time we realized how late it was, the sun had already begun to rise. Its soft glow filtered through the windows, casting long beams of pale light across the room, making everything feel a little softer, a little quieter.

"Shit," she said, looking around in sudden realization. "We pulled an all-nighter???"

"Looks like it," I muttered, stretching as a yawn escaped me. I was exhausted, but in that moment, it felt like the kind of tiredness you could sink into, not the kind that dragged you down. The kind that comes after a night spent with someone who makes everything feel a little lighter.

She groaned, glancing at the clock and then back at me, her expression still a mix of disbelief and amusement. "We seriously need to stop doing this. I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that we stayed up all night or the fact that I actually enjoy it."

I chuckled softly, rubbing my eyes. "We’ll deal with that later. But right now, I’m pretty sure we both need coffee."

She shot me a grin, her eyes sparkling even in the early morning light. "Coffee sounds like a good idea. Let’s go make some bad decisions."

I helped her up, my hand steady as I offered her a small, teasing smile. But as soon as she stood, her eyes widened just slightly, and I couldn't suppress a chuckle at the look on her face. In that moment, the difference in our heights felt more pronounced than it ever had before.

Her gaze flickered up to me, a little self-conscious, and I could tell she was probably calculating how much taller I was than her. I couldn’t help but find it amusing—the way she looked up at me like I was some towering figure.

We both began to walk toward the kitchen, and her voice rang out, light and easy, bouncing off the walls as we moved through the quiet, stillness of the morning. “Thanks for tonight, Neteyam. For real. I didn’t think I needed this, but… I did.”

I turned my head to look at her,a faint smile tugging at her lips. “You don’t have to thank me,” I said. “I had fun too.”

She laughed lightly. “Fun, huh? Even with my bitching about my shoulder and my terrible jokes?”

I smirked. “Your jokes are pretty bad. But the shoulder thing? I get it. Everyone’s got their stuff. Doesn’t make you weak.”

As we walked side by side toward the kitchen, her words hung in the air, a soft echo I couldn’t quite shake. I didn’t think I needed this, but... I did.

Something inside me shifted. The usual weight of responsibility and expectations that always seemed to press down on me felt a little less suffocating in that moment. Maybe it was the simplicity of her gratitude, the way she didn’t try to hide the vulnerability in her voice. Maybe it was because I hadn’t felt this light in a long time—not in a way that wasn’t tied to duty or obligation.

I glanced at her, a faint smile tugging at my lips, and despite the teasing, there was something different in the way she looked at me. It wasn’t just the playful glint in her eyes or the way she always managed to make me feel like I was part of something bigger than the chaos of my life. No, this was something deeper—something that cut through the layers of expectation that had built up around me for as long as I could remember. It was like she saw me, really saw me—not just the son of Toruk Makto, not just the Olo’Eyktan-in-training, not the perfect older brother everyone expected me to be. She didn’t see the role I played or the image I projected for the world. She saw the person beneath it all.

She saw me beyond the weight of duty, beyond the endless training, beyond the constant pressure to be something I didn’t always know how to be. She saw the guy who almost lost his life to a bullet, the one who had doubts and scars that no one else seemed to notice. She didn’t flinch at the messiness of who I was or what I’d been through. She felt it, without even having to ask.

And for a split second, I wondered if maybe I was finally starting to feel seen too—really seen in a way I hadn’t allowed myself to be in so long.

The connection we’d shared over the past few hours—the jokes, the quiet moments, the easy conversation—had slowly started to weave something between us. A thread that was pulling tighter with every passing minute. And it made me realize just how much I didn’t want it to unravel.

I turned my head, watching her laugh, that light sound filling the space between us. There was something magnetic about her presence, something I hadn’t expected to find. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but she had a way of making everything else fade into the background.

“You’re annoyingly good at this whole ‘being supportive’ thing,” she said, her words almost a whisper, but they hit me harder than I expected.

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that sort of compliment—being the strong, reliable older sibling had earned me a reputation for being the go-to guy when things got tough. But hearing it from her? It made me want to be better, to actually be the kind of person she thought I was. It made me want to do more than just live up to expectations; it made me want to live up to her expectations.

I chuckled softly, the lightness of the moment easing some of the tension I hadn’t realized I was carrying. "Comes with the territory of being the older brother. You learn to deal with people's shit." I said, shrugging casually, though I wasn’t so sure I believed it myself.

“Wow, way to ruin the moment,” she said, rolling her eyes, but there was a playful edge to her voice.

But as we reached the kitchen, I realized something else too. I wasn’t just the older brother anymore. I wasn’t just the guy everyone turned to. In that space, in the quiet moments we shared, I felt something else stirring inside me—something I hadn’t let myself feel in a long time. Something that made my chest tighten and my thoughts race, but not in the usual way. It wasn’t pressure, or the weight of a thousand expectations—it was something lighter. Something hopeful.

And as we both stood there, exchanging the last of our banter, I couldn’t help but wonder if this—this—wasn’t just about being supportive. Maybe, just maybe, I was starting to feel something more. And it terrified me.

But for the first time in a long time, it felt like something worth chasing.

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done